Andrew Sullivan links this Esquire parody Sex Tips from Donald Rumsfeld from last June. It’s hysterical. A couple favorites:

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: I keep reading about something called the G-spot, but I can’t seem to find it. Can you tell me where it is? —Elizabeth Kaplan, Tacoma, Washington

Secretary Rumsfeld: I could tell you. But I’m not inclined to.

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: I’m thinking about trying a threesome, but I don’t know how to approach my girlfriend about it. Have you ever tried a threesome? —Dave Barcott, Boulder, Colorado

Secretary Rumsfeld: Nice try, Dave. I can see what you’re trying to do, but you’re going to have to do better than that. Donald Rumsfeld is not going to be tricked into revealing something stupid about Donald Rumsfeld and Mrs. Donald Rumsfeld by such a question. If I answer, then someone will say, “Oh, goodness, the Rumsfelds are into threesomes,” and then it gets repeated and picked up, and then suddenly everybody’s talking about Donald Rumsfeld and Mrs. Donald Rumsfeld and threesomes, and that’s not what this is about. That said, bring it up in a very loving way and let her choose the third party. Also, alcohol never hurts.


James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is Professor and Department Head of Security Studies at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College and a nonresident senior fellow at the Scowcroft Center for Strategy and Security at the Atlantic Council. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm vet. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.


  1. John Lemon says: