Tennessee Man Blames Apple For His Porn Addiction, Files Lawsuit

A Tennessee man is suing Apple because they are abetting his addiction to pornography:

The plaintiff, Chris Sevier, is an attorney in Nashville. A news report of his arrest last month on unrelated charges of stalking country music star John Rich (the guy whose obnoxious song mars my weekly viewing of College GameDay) states that Sevier’s 36, though his Model Mayhem bio says he’s 26. For someone mad about porn on the Internet, he’s already adopted its first cardinal rule: models always lie about their age.

Sevier’s complaint makes a simple request: Apple should sell all products with an installed filter blocking all Internet porn. If the buyer, over the age of 18, wishes to unlock the Internet, he or she is free to contact Apple, sign a form acknowledging the ills of pornography, and receive a code to remove the filter. Sevier argues that the burden must be shifted from parents to the manufacturer to sell a locked device. That sounds like a fair enough, even laudable goal. But Sevier also wants these filters installed lest the responsibility be up to *shudder* individuals exercising self-control.

(…)

Sevier got his J.D. at Vanderbilt Law, and perhaps they should revisit the role Palsgraf plays in their 1L Torts lectures. Based on the tale outlined, there are a few intervening acts between Apple building a web-ready computer and Sevier joining Adult Friend Finder. This is not to deny that sex can have addictive qualities, but just as drug and alcohol rehab focus on individuals facing up to their personal role in facilitating their disease, Sevier might want to look in the mirror before blaming Apple.

But Sevier maintains the proximate cause is Apple’s browser and an honest spelling error:

In using safari, the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled “facebook.com” which lead him to “fuckbook.com” and a host of web sites that caused him to see pornographic images that appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male and lead to an unwanted addiction with adverse consequences.

I’m incredulous. But in fairness to Sevier, the complaint is so riddled with spelling and grammatical errors (including a few in that block quote) that maybe typing just isn’t his thing. I, however, posit that he made all these mistakes intentionally to bolster the credibility of this argument. Well played, sir.

Apple basically should have known better:

As human beings themselves, Apple employees know that a man is born full of harmonies and attacked to by women engaging in sexual acts with the intent to cause vicarious arousal.

Makes perfect sense, right?

Here’s the Complaint, in all it’s apparently unintentional hilarity:

Chris Sevier v Apple Inc. Complaint by dmataconis

FILED UNDER: Law and the Courts, Quick Takes
Doug Mataconis
About Doug Mataconis
Doug holds a B.A. in Political Science from Rutgers University and J.D. from George Mason University School of Law. He joined the staff of OTB in May 2010 and contributed a staggering 16,483 posts before his retirement in January 2020.

Comments

  1. CSK says:

    When I read this–and the article the other day about the dentist who couldn’t control his sexual attraction to his comely assistant and so fired her–I was reminded of the hoary old saw that women are less rational and more emotion-driven than men. Fellas, can we finally put that one to bed? So to speak.

  2. stonetools says:

    What’s amusing is that Apple has been attacked a lot in the tech community for being prudish about barring apps with prurient content from the App Store. This lawsuit will fail.

  3. rudderpedals says:

    Oh boy, that’s a helluva facebook typo to wind up on the fsckbook page. This one’s a keeper. Thanks, Doug

  4. Franklin says:

    Crap, it’s *face*book? I’ve also been spelling it wrong all these years. (Really, I just thought Zuckerberg was a modern-day Larry Flynt – now I’ve got to ask how he makes money without selling sex nor drugs.)

  5. CSK says:

    @Franklin:

    He has an evil twin named F*ckerberg who rakes in all the sex ‘n’ drugs ‘n’ rock ‘n’ roll bread.

  6. Gromitt Gunn says:

    Obviously all Apple computers should be sold with a standard-issue burqa.

  7. PJ says:

    @stonetools:

    What’s amusing is that Apple has been attacked a lot in the tech community for being prudish about barring apps with prurient content from the App Store. This lawsuit will fail.

    That means that Apple knew about it and the fact you could still get it through a browser means that Apple didn’t do enough to stop it!

  8. Jenos Idanian says:

    @PJ: That means that Apple knew about it and the fact you could still get it through a browser means that Apple didn’t do enough to stop it!

    What’s crazy is that stupider arguments have actually prevailed in court.

  9. Paul Hooson says:

    Just the latest attack by some idiot on porn. Yeah, who doesn’t love seeing beautiful naked women other than some idiot who wants to sue?