Frank J has a solution for terrorism that may be as good as anything else we’ve tried:

Terrorists make me angry. They try to get their message across by blowing up people and hurting them which is bad. Why can’t they get their message across like me and just write in a blog? Maybe they are illiterate. Fine, then maybe blowing themselves up is their only way to communicate, but why can’t they do it in a safe environment instead of around other people? It’s wrong to hurt other people. Some say Allah told them to hurt people; well maybe then they should stop listening to Allah. Anyone who is trying to get you to hurt people you should stay away from.

Maybe instead of terrorism they could get a hobby like stamp collecting. Maybe they wouldn’t be so angry if they put all their attention into collecting stamps. Or coins. Doesn’t sound that interesting to me, but some people seem to like it. Also, when they get angry, instead of terrorism, punch a pillow. Also, they could stop keeping explosives around so they don’t get tempted.

And what do terrorists have against the Jews? Did the Jews make fun of them when the terrorists were little? Still, that’s no excuse to eradicate people. Maybe instead of eradicating Jews they could eradicate monkeys. I hear there are monkeys in the Middle East, and I bet that a lot of things that they blamed on the Jews were actually because of monkeys. Especially if the problem was someone stealing their sugar. Monkeys like sweet things. Jews like bagels.

Anyway, terrorists need to learn to be nicer or we’ll have our Marines kill them all. The end.

There is also an interesting thread in the comments about the terrorist-bathing nexus, noting that neither terrorists nor the French bathe with much frequency. Hmm.

FILED UNDER: Environment, Middle East, Terrorism
James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is Professor of Security Studies at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm veteran. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.