Thursday, August 21, 2008
Time for the Thursday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be announced Monday PM
Park Ranger: “Senator Obama, God has blessed us with you at this time. Now get up on that pedistal”
Park Ranger: “Senator Chosen One, as you can see, we’ve been tracking your poll numbers here at the memorial. If you look up there, that’s where your poll numbers were a month ago….”
Park Ranger: “Some eyewitness accounts say the U.S.S. Arizona came out of the water when the magazine exploded, now, granted, I’m sure Mr. Ayers could have bettered that by this much…..”
It’s two flights upstairs and to the right or you can go behind that rock over there.
Park Ranger: “Head toward the JACKALberry tree, travel LEFT for two kilometers, and you’ll find your POOR half brother’s hut.”
Here’s Barack’s friend Bob, describing the big lift he got with natural male enhancement! There’s a lot of buzz about *this* chubby ranger.
Park Ranger: “We’ve tried to comply with your orders, sir, but it seems we could only fit one windmill on the Washington Monument.”
“I’m not sure, Senator. All I know is she climbed up there, yelled down that she is the ‘pop-vote queen’ and said she’s not moving until you give her a better spot on the convention schedule.”
“If you turn south, you can find the highway to the 51st, 52nd and 53rd states. The other’s are that way.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Senator Obama, but we can’t pull down McCain’s polling graph. That’s where the pollsters say it’s supposed to go.”
I had this dream, and in this dream I was flying …. up, up into the clouds. It was sooo beautiful man. I can’t wait until you’re elected, then maybe we’ll all be a flyin’. Hey, by the way (whisper whisper: got some Maui Wowie … twenty five an eighth).
Yeah, they call the wind Maria. But after you’re elected I sure hope we get rid of that racist kwap.
Musical duet …. a one and a two …
Ranger: I’m a lumberjack, and I’m okay.
I sleep all night. I work all day.
Barry: He’s a lumberjack, and he’s okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Ranger: I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin’
And have buttered scones for tea.
Barry: He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.
Chorus: I’m (He’s) a lumberjack, and I’m (he’s) okay. I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day.
As Sen. Obama viewed the Arizona, he repeatedly remarked what a tragedy the memorial represented. When asked to clarify his remarks, Barrack pointed to the continuing drops of oil coming out of the ship and wept for the US despoiling the planet.
Come on Martinez, you’re losing his interests. Make it more dramatic. Don’t just point to where the planes came in, make the airplane and machine gun noises.
Body language says it all.
Obama became quite upset while listening to the park ranger explain about Pearl Harbor. He immediately blamed his staff for not informing him about the Japanese attacks.
It’s good to see you again Senator and yes this is the senate where you are supposed to cast votes, not just vote present.
Park Ranger Daniel Martinez is as shocked as everybody else when Obama picks him to be his running mate.
Mexican Border Patrol Agent: Si, Senador! Dees iss where jew can climb over to Los Estados Unidos.
Barrack thought bubble: “Sumbitch bro, pinch it off and let me out of this f*cking photo-op, i’ve got a g’damned t-time starin’ at me”
Agent: Yessir! Stairway to Heaven is on the mezzanine, room 302.
Agent: Can’t you read the sign? We’re closed. It’s MLK’s birthday!
Agent: Hillary’s up there and she has hostages!
No sir..This isn’t the ship……
Obama: Really? It was more than a movie???
Ranger Steve’s shadow puppet show was particularly mesmerizing.
“I understand your concerns, Mr. President, er Senator Obama, but I am positive that we can fit your head just to the right of President Lincoln’s.” — Park Service Employee Juan Smith, Mt. Rushmore.
Agent: Well, if you really are the Messiah- lemme see you get back up on the cross!
Ranger: “…and if choo look up there, that private beach estate overlooking the harbor…”
ehem…Ranger: “…and if choo look up there, that is your private beach estate overlooking the harbor…”
“Look, the real Messiah!”
For the first time in my life, I am proud to be a National Park Ranger.
“Fear is the worst enemy. It … creates this veil of impossibility, and it is hanging over all of our heads.”
“Si, I’ve tried the messiah thing too, but you can never get the last nail in on your own.”
“They surprised us with a sneak attack to start the war, we dropped a couple of nuclear bombs on them to end the war. It’s the Chicago way.”
Ranger – “This is one of McCain’s houses he didn’t know about.”
Park Ranger: “The reason Mexico doesn’t have any gold medal winners in the olympics is because everyone from Mexico who can swim, run and jump is over here already. Look! Here comes another one!
You see it now, at the top of the border fence, its an image of you weeping…….
Yes, Senator… this house is yours. Didn’t you know?
… Senator Dorothy awakens in his bedroom, in Chicago. Excitedly telling his family and friends gathered round, of his fantastic journey.
Laughing loudly, they tell him it was just a dream. Except his uncle … Ranger Henry, who while motioning towards the flying monkey filled sky says: “Of course we believe you, Senator”.
Toto hops up on the bed, and still quite convinced that his journey was real. Senator Dorothy gives Toto a teary hug, while exhaling: “There’s no place like home”.
“Can you keep a secret, Senator? I’ve been living in this house for 10 years. It belongs to McCain but, lucky for me, he forgot about it.”
Behold Saint Biden (you coulda had a V-8!).
Ranger: “As you can see here Senator, we have a graph differentiating your IQ with Senator Bidens self proclaimed IQ…his is up there…”
Ranger: “holy fijolaes Senator, look in the mirror…choo really are clean, articulate and a nice lookin’ chico. But by choosin’ Biden….choo es no tinker..”
“Behold the giant egress!”
Smells like Teen Spirit.
“Yes sir, you see what Hillary’s supporters did when they heard you were coming?”
“Honestly Ranger Pepe, I don’t find it amusing in the least that you can see my image in that wall stain.”
“…And over there is where ‘The bomb’ that was dropped on Pearl…NO FRICKIN’ WAY!!! I CAN’T DO THIS!! THOSE BASTARDS DROPPED 50 FREAKIN’ TONS ON US IN THEIR DIRTY ROTTEN SNEAK ATTACK – YOU FREAKING MARXIST MORON!!!”
“No, Senator, I don’t think talking to them would have done any good – particularly as they set up their attack run from that direction.”
[mmmhgh … (clears throat)]
To dream the impossible dream,
To fight the unbeatable foe,
To bear with unbearable sorrow,
To run where the brave dare not go.
To right the unrightable wrong,
To love pure and chaste from afar,
To try when your arms are too weary,
To reach the unreachable star.
This is my quest,
To follow that star —
No matter how hopeless,
No matter how far.
Ranger: “Senator…in the VERY near future, for obvious reasons, you may want to move your brother into that house!…just sayin'”
Michelle to herself: If the ranger has to explain one more time to Barack why he can’t peak up Lady Liberty’s gown, I’m going to scream
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