MORE FROM THE ONION

MORE FROM THE ONION: More good ones:

Newlyweds Regret Saving Sex For Marriage
WETUMKA, OK—Two weeks after their Feb. 1 wedding, Matt and Liz Kuchen, both 32, regret remaining virgins until marriage. “Why the hell did I wait?” Liz said Tuesday. “I could’ve been having mind-blowing sex with dozens of guys these last 15 years, and instead I spent them making little uptight speeches about how it’ll be more special if I hold out.” Matt agreed, saying, “Stacy Pratt totally would’ve done me. Oh, man.”

and

No One At Ad Agency Remembers Hiring Carrot Top For Commercial
NEW YORK—Despite their best efforts, creative executives at the Young & Rubicam advertising agency cannot recall how Carrot Top came to be hired for the “1-800-CALL-ATT” collect-call campaign. “I really, truly don’t remember ever casting that guy,” Young & Rubicam creative director Molly Herbert said of the hideous, clown-faced comedian. “To be honest, all anyone here can remember is firing David Arquette two years ago, then suddenly there’s Carrot Top on the set.” Herbert and her team were equally at a loss over who developed the “Just Dial Down The Middle” concept.

FILED UNDER: Humor
James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is a Security Studies professor at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College and a nonresident senior fellow at the Scowcroft Center for Strategy and Security at the Atlantic Council. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm vet. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.