NUKE THE GAY WHALES

NUKE THE GAY WHALES: Right Wing News posts an amusing parody of endangered species laws today:

I say we add a committee to the EPA whose job it is to decide which animals should become extinct, and then send out a special squad to find and eliminate those animals. I will be on that squad. First off, I say we get rid of the mosquito. They cause itchy bumps and there is no need for that. Frankly, I could do without most insects. If bees want to stick around, they really should think hard about getting rid of those stingers.

As for birds, obviously the pigeon has to go. Also, I’ve never liked the Canadian geese; they’re dirty filthy things and they’re from Canada. I also don’t get the point of a bird that can’t fly, but I’ll spare the penguins since they stay out of our way in Antarctica.

The oceans are filled with tons of weird, icky things with sharp teeth or poison; I say we be a lot more discriminating about what we let live the ocean. The really deep-sea creatures are fine – we never run into them – but anything near the surface has to be nicer or taste good fried.

Also, I find the idea of mammals that live like fish perverse. I especially don’t like the dolphins. They think they’re so great since everyone says how smart they are, but they better learn some humility or its curtains for them.

Read it all.

FILED UNDER: Popular Culture
James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is Professor and Department Head of Security Studies at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College and a nonresident senior fellow at the Scowcroft Center for Strategy and Security at the Atlantic Council. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm vet. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.