Monday, November 7, 2005
Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be announced Thursday PM
Those who enjoyed Hillary’s fish story were thrilled by her “I’m a centrist” whoppers.
Hillary gives another stirring rendition of her “In My Pants Suit” speech.
* BE HEALED!!!!!
I swear to god… He came at me with a cigar the size of a frickin python!!
“And one time, at band camp…”
“Kneel before your Empress!”
“Yes, as is traditional, this President will entertain young, easy, endowed males in the Oval Office.”
Wait! Stop it! You people out there juat ask the questions I have given to you, then grin, and act like you are having an orgasm, just like Tim Russert.
* Voice of Don Adams: ” Missed it by THAT MUCH:.
* I swear, Elenor Roosevelt’s butt was this wide.
I’m better than Bill at most everything. Heck, just last week we went fishing – Bill caught nothing and I caught one this big!!!
Guy behind Hillary to the other guy:
“Look, I’ve told you before, there’s been no first black president, and if there was, no way was he hitting that.Ã¢Â€Â
Then Janet Reno came out of the bathroom……
Hillary was in big trouble. The puppet show had already begun and her sock puppets were nowhere to be found.
“But it leaned slightly to the left.”
“All in favor for Burka’s in the Senate?. . . The Aye’s have it.”
“Come on, one more verse of ‘If You’re Happy and You Know It’!”
DRUDGEREPORTING: Today Hillary Clinton demonstrated for Congress how she posed for her Flashmountain photo on the Disney Splash Mountain ride.
Hillary, who has already started her 2008 campaign in the Bible Thumping Tour of Red States, cries out:
“Hallelujah, Jesus, do I hear an Amen”?
“The Republic will be reorganized into the first GALACTIC EMPIRE, for a safe and secure society!”
“If I am elected President, your taxes will be raised thi-i-i-is much.”
“That’s it. Keep your hands up and step away from the microphone!”
“While we were dating, Bill said it was this big, and I told him he was full of crap. Little did I know he was talking about his .. uhm appetite, and not his erÃ¢Â€Â¦ appendage.”
“And then I spread my hands real wide, and at the opportune moment, I smacked Bill on the flanks as hard as I could.
“And that’s how we got Chelsea…”
“Let’s not go making a mountain of an Ole Hill.”
See? I’m a centrist!
Mere moments into her inaugural address, President Hillary Clinton quickly surrenders the United States to some guy wearing a turban in the third row.
Okay, I forgot to bring the sock puppets, but this is basically how the debates are going to go…
“Have I got it right, Jacques? Is this how you do it?”
Something about a ten foot pole …..
I have a dream!
I want you people to listen to me. I do not know nor have I ever been near, Fort Marcy Park.
The village need be no larger than this. The child needs to be small though!
“And it is a great, great, great big fat lie that the reason I want to run for president in 2008 is to see what it’s like to sleep in the president’s bed.”
These hands are calloused from years of working for America!
All 1500 missing files were in a box this big, I swear!
“…and I challenge any Republican to talk out of both sides of their mouth like this.”
“The first ashtray missed Bill by this much, but the second one caught him upside the head just so…”
I was this close to getting total control of your healthcare -this close I tell ya!”
“The smartest woman in the world demonstrates the size of her enormous brain for the benefit of the main stream media.”
Hillary demonstrates for the Senate her enormous understanding of defense as she shows how to steer a F-14 Warthog into a hangar.
Hillary sings the praises of Communism as she demonstrates the average size of free Cuban cigars smoked by everyday Havana peasants.
Hillary says: I swear Teddy Kennedy’s a** is
Let me tell you, when Chelsea was born with a big head. My vagina felt as though it was stretched this wide.
I couldn’t believe he was banging an intern that looked this wide from behind!
“Ok, so you got Nixon with his ‘I am not a crook’ whopper and my husband with his ‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman’ cock-and-bull story ( mind you … not that I think Ms Lewinsky is a bull) plus Bush’s ‘Saddam and the WMDs’ yarn.
So, I promise you, that in my administration, we will bring evasiveness to a new level, fabrication to a pinnacle and artifice to a new standard.”
Hillary attempts to catch a clue…
* Hillary does her very special impression of Al Gore.
* Demonstrating that once you come out as a Pagan bisexual married leatherdyke, flying isn’t so hard.
* With that much hyperbole, you should be in congress. Oh, wait….
* It was this big, Bevis. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh. Cool.
* Tryouts for “The Taming of the Shrew”
* You had to be careful holding those cookie pans.
* A demonstration of the inch we gave Hillary.
* Hillary Poses for her Milk Carton picture, to be released in January 2009.
* Hillary Clinton describing the size of her shredder.
* Hillary tried out for the title role in “Funny Girl” once Bozo Babs retired but nobody thought her performance believable THERE, either.
*(nod to trek fans) “Temba, his arms wide.”
* (Nod to Python fans) It’s Owl-Stretching Time!
* Hillary demonstrating her usual tactics with the truth
In what would become the first major political speech deemed inappropriate for broadcast television, Hillary Clinton explains why she stood by Bill for all those years.
Hillary shows the measures she took to convince Janet Reno to run against Jeb Bush.
And then Moses parted the Red Man.
Hillary surrenders to fashion police.
“I just want to make one thing clear, I do not normally hang-out at Banana Joe’s. And, I’m alright the B*tch didn’t punch that hard.”
“Watch us Democrats play the religion card this big.”
“And when Bill came back from testifying, I swear his nose was this long”
So in summary, my Health Care Bill will have every American in this “stick up” position as we allow the government to rob you blind. Any questions?”
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