Monday, October 24, 2016
Time For The Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners for this contest will be announced next weekend.
Bloomberg: Damnit I should have run.
“Cardinal, Donald can’t appreciate this the way we can, but remember all those sex scandals we covered up when Bill was President? How many were there, 100, 200 . . . 500?”
” . . . . and that’s when the Pope said, ‘No, that’s not thy staff!’ “
Hillary tells the old joke about how to get a nun pregnant.
Dress her as an altar boy!
“And the people really think THEY get to elect the next president?”
The Cardinal finds it especially amusing that one of these two is going to be President.
I forget, which one is Satan?
Mayor Bloomberg was not amused by all the Jew jokes being told at the table behind him.
So a Catholic, a Methodist, and an apostate walk into a bar…
After the Cardinal lit his fart on fire with a lighter. Donald and Hilary both realized they could actually find common ground in their love of fart jokes.
Donald Trump and the Cardinal regale a very polite Hillary Clinton with stories of their escapades with altar boys and super models.
Donald: “Hey Hill, I think our Cardinal friend has had enough blood of Christ for one evening!”
Trump: “And Bill said run, and I said who would be stupid enough to vote for me.”
Hillary: …and then I says to Barack, “Back of the bus.”
“Do priests use Viagra or birth control?
What the hell kind of questions is THAT?””
“And then … get this Cardinal … I then said that we had ‘bad hombres’ coming up from Mexico! Bad hombres! I actually said that!”
“I have to hand it to you, Donald. You are tanking this election beautifully.”
And then the Rabbi says to the Priest, “Beats the hell out of ham, doesn’t it?”
“So then the duck says, he says ‘Eucharist!? But I’m a vegetarian!’…”
“Man, that’s good wine. And now it’s karaoke time! ♫ Feeeeeliiiings, wo wo wo ♫…”
Let me get this straight THE BOTH OF YOU ARE CHRISTIAN. Stop it your killing me.
Moments later some of Trump’s jokes really bombed at this dinner party. Then Republican Party officials thought, “Damn, that’s the second party he ruined this year!”.
It’s a New York event, but with no Jewish comedy writers, so what do you expect?
For now on, please leave the comedy writing up to the professionals….Jews…
Even Paul Hooson’s jokes would be funny at this party…
When these two claim to be Christians, it only makes Paul Hooson more pleased to be a Jew…
What a little bit of placebo wine can do to people.
You may now kiss the bride.
“We call ourselves ‘The Aristocrats.'”
Who are those guys below us
Oh they`re just the boobs who paid for this shin dig oops didn`t mean for them to hear that.
“So the nun says ‘A prostitute? Thank God, I thought you said a Protestant.””
H: “I use my thumb.”
T: “I use two fingers.”
C: “You guys crack me up, you and your women.”
These three can even screw up a “Tarts and Vicars” party!
One is a Cardinal, while the other two are only cardinal sins…
What do you call it when both the Donald and Melania show up in the same room?
Insane, Clown, Pussy…
Much better than these two was a Jewish carpenter/magician who turned ordinary tap water into wine, pulled endless loaves and fishes out of a basket and even healed some sick people in the crowd. He was so good he deserves a gig in Vegas!
So the Donald excuses himself from the table to give some woman in the back an “October Surprise”, if you know what I mean?
The Donald was very disappointed at the limited seating, so all his Russian friends had to wait outside..
The “Bad Hombre” and the “Nasty Woman” really know how to work a room it seems…
@barbintheboonies: My take along the same vein….
“I can’t stop laughing…. you’re both damned.”
“The three of us can’t even get the lyrics to ‘Kumbaya’ right!”
“I didn’t know that attending a Bill Clinton Roast could be so much fun!”
“…we forgot to say ‘Grace’ before we ate…!!!”
“…I am not able to hear both of your confessions simultaneously…”
The Cardinal: “And the two of you are the best that the country has to offer? Bwahhahahaha!
Once the priest changed the water into wine, the tone of the evening became jovial.
“Father, why have you forsaken me?”.
Cardinal, “Do you have about a year for me to list all the reasons?”.
Trump: “Oh shit, I’m missing a great Moesha rerun on BET for this…”.
“…So, what is the going price of a soul these days?”
Cardinal, loosening his cassock: “You two arguing over who’s the puppet? I’ve got your puppet RIGHT HERE!”
And then I said, “Do you mean like with a cloth?”
Guests complained about this Catholic dinner. A little bit of wine and a small piece of bread isn’t dinner…
“And then at communion, Trump here asked for some cheese with his cracker.”
Trump just got word that Pence’s plane just skidded off the runway. Thankfully everyone was safe. But, that won’t stop Trump from blaming Hillary…
Pence knew that something was wrong with his plane and he tried to warn others that Hillary was on the wing of the plane, but no one believed him. Apparently, most on the plane were too young to remember that TWILIGHT ZONE episode with a monster on the wing of the plane…
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