Al Gore Places Son in Rocket

Dateline Earth: “Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet.”

Young Gore sets out for his new home, where the sky is clear, the water is clean, and there are no Republicans.Former vice president Al Gore—who for the past three decades has unsuccessfully attempted to warn humanity of the coming destruction of our planet, only to be mocked and derided by the very people he has tried to save—launched his infant son into space Monday in the faint hope that his only child would reach the safety of another world.

“I tried to warn them, but the Elders of this planet would not listen,” said Gore, who in 2000 was nearly banished to a featureless realm of nonexistence for promoting his unpopular message. “They called me foolish and laughed at my predictions. Yet even now, the Midwest is flooded, the ice caps are melting, and the cities are rocked with tremors, just as I foretold. Fools! Why didn’t they heed me before it was too late?”

Al Gore—or, as he is known in his own language, Gore-Al—placed his son, Kal-Al, gently in the one-passenger rocket ship, his brow furrowed by the great weight he carried in preserving the sole survivor of humanity’s hubristic folly.

“There is nothing left now but to ensure that my infant son does not meet the same fate as the rest of my doomed race,” Gore said. “I will send him to a new planet, where he will, I hope, be raised by simple but kindly country folk and grow up to be a hero and protector to his adopted home.”

Classic.

FILED UNDER: Environment, Popular Culture, US Politics, , ,
James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is a Security Studies professor at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College and a nonresident senior fellow at the Scowcroft Center for Strategy and Security at the Atlantic Council. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm vet. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.

Comments

  1. markm says:

    I just took my son to see WALL-E* which is entirely based on the same premise (man destroys earth, now lives in space) but don’t’ worry, it all works out.

    *Talk about a cartoon with an agenda…sheesh.

  2. markm says:

    And not to split hairs…but the last time I saw Lil’ Gore he was on some kind of a bender and a wee bit bigger than in the picture above….there gunna need a bigger rocket.

  3. markm says:

    …oh, and Al looks a little silly in that Lost In Space outfit. Notice, though, the picture doesn’t show his elitist end of the earth shoes 🙂

  4. William d'Inger says:

    Frankly, I find it sad to have to witness the pathetic end of a loser trying to maintain relevance in a world that has passed him by. He could have maintained some dignity had he chosen the role of elder statesman. Instead, he chose the path of a zealous alarmist buffoon and (IMHO) deserves all the ridicule he gets.

  5. Wayne says:

    Is that one of Al’s houses in the background? It probably has its own power plant so it can heat the outside pool and tennis courts areas.

  6. Bithead says:

    deserves all the ridicule he gets.

    Well, frankly, IMO he deserves rather more than he gets, so we’ll have to settle.

  7. DL says:

    I wonder if old Al included that 100 million plus he sucked off the fools that ought to be the ones leaving the planet.

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  9. Bruce Moomaw says:

    Yeah, it’s funny, provided you keep in mind that it’s a wild exaggeration of his declared views. (I was the one who sent it to Joyner.) It’s not as funny, however, as the ravings of some of the rightists on the thread here, given that the review of Gore’s movie in “Science” concluded that it was “accurate except in a few details, and an important warning”.

  10. James Joyner says:

    (I was the one who sent it to Joyner.)

    I missed it. I saw it on an aggregator (likely memeorandum).