Thursday, February 15, 2007
Time for Thursday OTB Caption ContestTM
brought to you by Rodney Dill — TIME MAGAZINE Person Of The Year — 2006
Winners will be announced Monday PM
Although the scenes ended up on the cutting room floor, former president Bill Clinton did, in fact, play the role of Gilbert Grape’s father.
Oh, my, no! If I had told Monica it was THIS big, she would never have agreed to it.
If you want to be First Gentleman and so you’ll be on the campaign trail again until the fall of 2008 no matter how risky your assistance and embarrassing to your wife you might be and you know it clap your hands.
“… and then once when I was a kid I mixed up this batch of fake puke and …”
I just Loooooove these “Ho” downs!!
She thinks she can win!
All right kids, Let’s join in with Bubba the clown and sing, “if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands”!
Bill sings the Hillary Rodham Clinton 2008 campaign theme song: “A horse is a horse, of course, of course….”
Oh,goodie a new box of cigars!
I was born a poor black child … and then I pulled the worlds biggest practical joke and became president.
“I think Bill was very presidential when he expressed his Valentine’s Day love for his wife Hillary.”
Bill took the news that Hillary would be away for extended periods of time to campaign very well.
Is that a white spot on the blue tie?
Former president Clinton was asked to testify under oath when he last had sexual relations with his wife.
There may be snow on the roof, but there’s a fire down below.
So when do we get to hear jokes about Hillary marrying her father?
Bill told the story about hiring a new assistant to “have a special position on his staff”.
The bracelet on Bill’s right wrist is to remind him when its that time of the month that it’s “safe” for him to come home.
…and then it pooted out some air and I was like, “Woooooooweeeeee!”
In a huge upset, former President William J. Clinton won the Arkansas State hog calling contest using his own version of the standard call: hillll…a…reeeeee…reeeee…reeeee
I do believe in fairies! I do, I do, I do!
Bill is beside himself after winning his first OTB Caption Contest.
Known as a vascillator on many issues, Bill Clinton even has a tough time deciding which hand to cover his mouth with when he sneezes.
“so then I said, ‘well, that depends on what the maeaning of the word IS is,’ . . . “
We were talking about her numbers and she said, “Well, maybe I’LL go on Arsenio and play some kind of instrument,” and I said, “Yeah, baby, how about a skin flute?” and she’s like, “That’s a good idea, is it hard to play one?” and I’m laughing my f#%$* a#$ off and she says, “What, you mean Arsenio isn’t on anymore?”
Bill Clinton reads Gollum’s submission to the OTB caption contest and says, “Dang, I wish I had said that!”
“They say when you come face to face with a Gorgon you should avoid making eye contact — oh, hi, Hillary!”
AP: “Former President Bill Clinton reacts to a comment by former Secretary of State James A. Baker III about Clinton’s wife becoming president Thursday, Feb. 8, 2007 in Houston.” Glad to know we’re on the same page Mr. Clinton.
1) Why does the scene from Police Academy come to mind, the graduating ceremony one with the clutsy Commandant at the podium…..
2) Bill Clinton reenacts his interview to go Britian to study during the Vietnam War.
3) Reporter: So what do you think of John Edwards hiring those two Bloggers?
Bill Clinton: Heh, I’m glad I suggested that to young Johnny Edwards to “test the waters” to see if Hillary! should do the same thing.
4) Bill Clinton acting like a kid in a candy shop on the Los Angeles leg of his wife’s fund-raiser, the location you ask? The Playboy mansion.
Bill gestures to what his position would be should Hillary win and he returns to the oval office as First Man.
Reminding them of her once best-selling book, “It Takes Village People To Raise A Child”, Bill warms up the crowd prior to Hillary’s stump speech by doing his ever popular rendition of “Y.M.C.A.”.
Then, Hillary said I’m supposed to laugh real hard, like this…
“I didn’t inhale the hemp bracelet”
And then Monica says, “Damn, Mr. President, look what you’ve done to my dress!” So I say, “Hey, I’ll pay for the dry cleaning.” And Monica says, “Oh, no! I’ll never have this dress cleaned now! It’s too very special!” And I say, “Yeah, you’re right – who’s gonna know?”
Hey, did I tell you about the time I ruined Hillary’s dress, too? Never mind, I just spilled grape juice on it. Man, was she pissed! ‘Course, that was bizness as usual.
Well, I didn’t “inhale,” so much as gorge myself on a pan of hashish brownies this big! Of course, lately, I’ve learned to inhale…cheeseburgers!
AP: “Former President Bill Clinton reacts to a comment by former Secretary of State James A. Baker III about Clinton’s wife becoming president Thursday, Feb. 8, 2007 in Houston.â€ Everybody know elections are on Tuesdays.
AP: “Former President Bill Clinton reacts to a comment by former Secretary of State James A. Baker III about Clinton’s wife becoming president Thursday, Feb. 8, 2007 in Houston.â€ Houston, we have a problem.
“I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Anna Nicole Smith. I sure wish I did.”
For the first time Bill does INHALE.
“And then Jimmy Carter wished everybody a Happy Apartheid Week.”
Former President Bill Clinton’s impromptu impression of the late James Brown was not a big hit with everyone in the audience.
“Yay! I got mail! I got mail! Yay!!”
Bill Clinton rejoices at the news of another illiberal utopian statist triumph as the University of Illinois Board of Trustees announced its decision to yield to the NCAA and say goodbye to Chief Illiniwek. Hail to the Chief, not.
Wow, those ‘brownies’ were gooood, can I inhale another?
“Then you’re gonna’ roast Bush like a big Texas hog? HAHAHAHAHA! Usama, you are a hoot, do you know that?
Who’s got some string? I wanna play cats cradle.
(Out of frame) Ted Kennedy choking on a dinner roll.
(that one just never seems to get old)
“Clap hands, clap hands, till Mommy leaves home.
Then Daddy has fun, but Mommy has none.”
Maureen Dowd asked Bill Clinton for his thoughts about the extremely early start for the 2008 presidential race. The former President had great difficulty containing his emotion upon considering how long Hillary would be away on the campaign trail.
Bill contemplated the treatment Hillary might receive from his dear friends in the press. “They’ll squash her like a bug” brought joy to his heart.
Nancy Pelosi..Janet Reno…Hillary…and you think I got into politics to meet women?!
When he heard that Obama was giving up cigarettes upon his wife’s insistence, Bill was instantly brought back to the days of Monica and a real tobacco tube steak.
“Ha, ha, ha, that’s the most fun I’ve had with my clothes on.”
“Hooray! Now I can type “Britney+shaved” into Google and HIllary will never know!”
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