McCain and Obama Debate Dallas Cowboys
David Thomas of the Fort-Worth Star Telegram has an excellent parody interview with Barack Obama and John McCain on NFL football and the Dallas Cowboys.
In order to establish your affiliations before we get to the Cowboys, what NFL team do you root for?
Obama: “I’m a Chicagoan, so the Bears have obviously had a major influence on my life. However, as I’ve traveled across this great nation of ours, I’ve observed that some people attempt to divide us into Bears fans or Packers fans or Raiders fans or even Rams fans. We are all fans, first and foremost, and that’s the way I think we should view each other.”
McCain: “If I remember correctly, you said you were from the newspaper in Fort Worth, Texas. So I think it’s very important for your readers there to know that Senator Obama has direct ties to Washington Redskins< fans.”
We’re going to name each of you Cowboys offensive coordinator for one game. What would be your game plan?
McCain: “I would emphasize the run.”
Obama: “I also would emphasize the run.”
How, then, would your strategy of emphasizing the run differ from your opponent’s?
McCain: “I would ask, ‘Who is the real Coach Obama?’ He says he would emphasize the run, but would he really once he got the job? And when he does run the ball, every play would go far to the left.”
Obama: “And Senator McCain, I would counter — while he resorts to the usual coaching shenanigans — would run the team into the ground.”
Who do you think should be the Cowboys’ head coach next season — Wade Phillips or Jason Garrett?
Obama: “Garrett. I’ve been listening to Cowboys fans, and they consistently tell me that they are ready for change.”
McCain: “As smart and as innovative as Garrett appears, you cannot overlook the fact that he has never been a head coach. There is no substitute for having been through the fire, and that’s why Wade Phillips should be the head coach next season. The football world needs a strong Dallas Cowboys franchise coached by a strong leader, and that coach needs experience.”
So am I correct in summarizing that one of you favors change for the Cowboys and the other doesn’t?
Obama: “Yes, you are correct. The Cowboys have not won a postseason game since 1996. A Democrat was President at the time, I might add. If Cowboys fans want to win another playoff game — if they want to have hope — they need a distinct change from same-old, same-old of the current administration.”
McCain: “I would disagree with your summary. I also favor change. However, I think that a decent, hard-working, patriotic person like Wade Phillips — because as head coach he knows more than anyone else what changes can and need to be made — is the type of coach most capable of effecting change.”
On this one, I’m strongly in the faux-Obama camp, having offically joined the Fire Wade Phillips bandwagon.