Not Only Rednecks Voted for Bush
The big question after Tuesday was: will it just be more of the same in George W Bush’s second term, or will there be a change of tone? And apparently it’s the latter. The great European thinkers have decided that instead of doing another four years of lame Bush-is-a-moron cracks they’re going to do four years of lame Americans-are-morons cracks. Inaugurating the new second-term outreach was Brian Reade in the Daily Mirror, who attributed the President’s victory to: “The self-righteous, gun-totin’, military-lovin’, sister-marryin’, abortion-hatin’, gay-loathin’, foreigner-despisin’, non-passport-ownin’ rednecks, who believe God gave America the biggest dick in the world so it could urinate on the rest of us and make their land ‘free and strong’.”
Well, that’s certainly why I supported Bush, but I’m not sure it entirely accounts for the other 59,459,765. Forty five per cent of Hispanics voted for the President, as did 25 per cent of Jews, and 23 per cent of gays. And this coalition of common-or-garden rednecks, Hispanic rednecks, sinister Zionist rednecks, and lesbian rednecks who enjoy hitting on their gay-loathin’ sisters expanded its share of the vote across the entire country – not just in the Bush states but in the Kerry states, too.
In all but six states, the Republican vote went up: the urinating rednecks have increased their number not just in Texas and Mississippi but in Massachusetts and California, both of which have Republican governors. You can drive from coast to coast across the middle of the country and never pass through a single county that voted for John Kerry: it’s one continuous cascade of self-righteous urine from sea to shining sea. States that were swing states in 2000 – West Virginia, Arkansas – are now solidly Republican, and once solidly Democrat states – Iowa, Wisconsin – are now swingers. The redneck states push hard up against the Canadian border, where if your neck’s red it’s frostbite. Bush’s incontinent rednecks are everywhere: they’re so numerous they’re running out of sisters to bunk up with.