Thursday, March 20, 2008
Time for the Thursday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be announced Monday PM
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama hold their policies up for public view.
Clinton: I’d guess somewhere close to this.
Obama: Oh, at least a good handful.
Moderator: That’s not what I meant when I asked you to size up your competitor.
He said: “Been there.”
She said: “Done that.”
Commentator: “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.”
You put your right arm in, you take your right arm out…
Even in politics, size does matter.
Two minds without a single thought.
Hillary: “In my church we pary, kneel..sit…stand. We give praise to those around us. Now, in Obama’s church, they just plain hate whitey”
Hillary: I’m just saying that every time I use the special candidates restroom after him the seat is always up.
Hillary: “Now a week ago Obama was all like “I aint gunna be your veep”
Obama: “my dear grandmother told me to say that…but…”
Neither of us has any of the answers. But I on the other hand … do have thirty five years of hand gesture experience.
Yes … we forgot the hand puppets, but please do bear with us.
The question is … how do you make a pizza.
He’s got the whole world in his hands? Nope, don’t know it. But maybe if you hum a few bars?
Clowns to the left of me … jokers to the right.
Indications are, they’re both telling fish stories.
“It goes from God, to Clinton, to Obama, to you.”
Question for both of you, How big is Bill Clintons…
…influence in the party.
In a Solomonic move … the DNC attempts to settle the question of Michigan and Florida’s delegates. With a round of rock, paper, scissors.
“If you look closely, you can see that we are holding all we have to offer right here in our hands.”
The Puppet and the Marionette; can you tell which is which?
Candidates vie for Marcel Marceau’s old job.
Domo Arigato.. Mr.& Mrs. Roboto….
[The Styx lyrics are PERFECT, Listen here….
“How much blood sausage would you eat to get to be President?”
Debaters Clinton and Obama ask Chris Matthews for more time, to prepare their shadow puppet routines. In response to his question about shadow puppet regimes.
And Hillary Clinton wins the “How big is yours” portion of the debate.
Clinton and Obama respond to the question of what their respective spouses would bring to the White House.
Senator Clinton: “I’ll give everyone a bag of money this big.”
Seantor Obama: “Well, I’ll give everyone a bag of money this big.”
Hillary: “The gentlemen on my Wright, I mean, my left, I mean, I’m sorry, which audience am I speaking to again?”
Hillary: “Well, Bill…”
Hillary: “It’s not twoo, it’s not twoo…”
Hillary still struggles with the whole “Kobe, I’m open!” thing.
Hillary: “Look, if he’s going to be the first post-racial candidate, then I’m going to be the first post-sexual candidate.”
The (formerly) irresistable force meets the immovable object.
Hillary: “It’s like the hemmoroid in the old Preperation H ads, if that is your problem, this is not the solution.”
What is the sound of no hands clapping?
Moderator: “OK, this next question is from the 4th grade class at the Howard Taft Elementary School here in Columbus, Ohio. Imagine you are playing cats cradle……”
* The logical extension of the question “Boxers or briefs” is what’s IN them.
(Did I say that?)
Clinton: “If you start Pink Floyd’s Dark Side Of the Moon while Tim Russert starts talking, and turn down your TV…”
Obama: “…the debate actually makes more sense.”
We know Liberal Democrats want to expand the power of the federal government; my question is “By how much?”
Clinton – “I’ve looked at Obama’s Passport. It looked like Kobe Bryant’s mug shot from when he was accused of rape. And it looked like Michael Vick’s mug shot from when he tortured and killed dogs. And it looked like O J Simpson’s mug shot from when he …”
Obama – “Jeesy Peesy, Hillary!”
Well, if we approach this in a detached and superficial manner … then yes I’m a woman, and he’s black. And John McCain’s a really old white guy. If we don’t win this time, then next time we’re going to run an albino hermaphrodite on roller skates.
While it may be too early to talk about cabinet appointments, I’m thinking bamboo or red oak.
Look, I’ve seen him dance … and he can’t cha cha.
I know for a fact he’d cancel Easter, the 4th of July, Halloween, and Christmas.
I think my record speaks for itself. And I’d ask my opponent if he’s won a Grammy?
We are determined to take back the White House. No matter the cost to our dignity, or yours.
Round two … Double Jeopardy, Hillary: I’ll take arse and hole in the ground for two hundred please Alex.
“My Delegates…Her Delegates…..Any Questions?”
Obama: “Who’s on First?”
Hillary: “Who’s on Second?”
Hillary : Right now I’d do anything for money. I’d kill somebody for money. I’d kill you for money.
(Obama looks dejected.)
Hillary : Ha ha ha. Ah, no. You’re my friend. I’d kill you for nothing.
Obama: I’m going after the President’s job alone!
Obama: That’s right, Hill. I want it so much, I can taste it.
Hillary: What? Nobody can face this job but the big, bad bat? So many people to kill… so little time.
Obama: Why is it that all the beautiful ones are homicidal maniacs? Is it me? (taken from Batman & Robin series)
So… where will the money for all your programs come from?
Hillary: Watch it! These hands are registered in New York as lethal weapons!
Barack: Is that how you got Eliot to resign?
Weekend Caption Contest…
Rodney Dill has a meeting of the minds….
Her: “I am this close to winning the nomination.
Him: “But I’m ahead. Go figure”!
Hillary: I saw one this big!
Barack: I won’t disown it.
Ballz! cried the queen. Had I two I’d be king!
That’s what he says …. but if ya take a peek under my skirt? Well I really think you’d be in for a surprise.
Hillary: “And the parting on the left”
Barak: “Is now the parting on the right”
OBAMA: “This is not a crackpot church. Witness the fact that Bill Clinton invited him to the White House when he was having his personal crises.” [actual quote}
CLINTON: “Oh, please. Bill called every black minister west of the Mississippi for his 1998 “redeemption” weekend.
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