Thursday, December 31, 2009
Time for the New Year’s Eve OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be announced Monday PM
Hey! Pull my finger
The formula: 0=11xC/L+5xQ relies on the angle, grip and quality of cracker to determine the best way to guarantee success.
Mathematical analysis has determined that 0 is the optimum downwards angle, while C stands for circumference of the barrel, L the length of the barrel and Q the quality of the cracker.
Q has a value of 1, 2 or 3 depending on whether the cracker is cheap, standard or premium.
The formula ought to produce a two digit figure between 20 and 55 degrees, which the optimum pulling angle below the horizontal.
Crackers should be gripped approximately one inch from the end of the tail closest to the barrel.
The tail should be kept in line with the barrel as it is pulled backwards and downwards, with an even force.
The first of millions of seniors makes his required payoff to the death panel czar.
This is to get you to publish that “George Washington did it,” in your paper for the rest of the year.
Here’s my firewood tax governor, to help save the environment.
Be sure to bring that blond floosy of a barmaid out to the golf course, after I finish playing.
1. “Merry Christmas, Tiny Tim. Here’s a cracker.”
Sadly, no one noticed that the Death Star plans were passed to Palpatine so easily.
The UK finally completes its Treaty of Paris obligation to withdraw troops from the Ohio River Valley.
“I don’t want to go to Chelsea.” — D.P.A. MacManus
Open this too will ya, I forgot my bottle opener (Hic)
Pope lookin’ guy: “I’ve come here for for possibly my pensioners pension party and you’ve RUINDED it by letting in Ben Nelson with his ninny Carl Levin glasses”
So that’s why they call it the ‘old guard’.
Remember, the UK has a special relationship with the US. They stand ready to stand up and fight alongside us … as long as we let them use their cane.
Some where in Buenos Aires there is a General smacking himself on the forehead saying “We lost to these guys?”
The red coats are coming, the red coats are coming … with Viagra.
Cracker? I barely even know her.
The loud noise failed in the attempted murder, foiled by deafness.
TSA immediately issued instructions banning all Christmas decorations and saltines after learning of the explosive potential of ‘crackers’.
We’re going to party like it 1899.
“I’m testing this thing for the Pope. Ready? Touch it!”
Extreme Libation “terrorists” are next to be targeted by Homeland Security as a threat to the Nanny State Society
I relinquish my power to you!
Pope lookin’ dude: “…we need one more, I say WE NEED ONE MORE VOTE before we can legislate expensive preemptive attacks against orphanages, monasteries and anyplace with puppies. Ben, here’s a sack of crackers and hundy…..HE’S IN…Ben’s in. Count it!”
Although longevity seems to be a family trait, I didn’t realize that Senator Robert KKK Byrd’s father was a Red Coat! Yes, traitors to our country all.
“That rat’s ass Nigel is talking up my granddaughter again.”
Put that in your spreadsheet and extrapolate … (behold the timeless magic of Christmas).
Buraq the Magic Pony, and Moo Moo Ahmadinejad enjoy a laugh at the Home for Retired Mooselimb Terrorists, in London.
Impersonators of Paul Newman and George H.W. Bush share a laugh at the Celebrity-Politician Lookalike Convention.
after ruling for 41 years by way of many,many crisis’s that he did not let go to waste
seems to have lost all his blackness and greenness
and his once pimpish GQ taste
he has transpired
into your basic red and white sire
once a magic phony
now a commie heep of paste.
The British National Health Service annual laxative giveaway always draws a heavy crowd at veterans parties.
Should be “i’ve come here for possibly my last pensioners pension party”
Can a fella get some editorial help?
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