OTB Caption Contest

Time for the Thursday OTB Caption ContestTM

Time for the Thursday OTB Caption ContestTM


talktogod

REUTERS/Jim Urquhart

Winners will be announced after Tuesday PM.

FILED UNDER: Contests
Rodney Dill
About Rodney Dill
Rodney is an IT Implementation Consultant in the Motor City and working within the Automotive Industry. He contributed to OTB from November 2004 until retiring in July 2017, hosting some 1200 OTB Caption Contests.

Comments

  1. markm says:

    “thanks bro….I don’t know how you did it but sending Fielder to the Rangers was a miracle”

  2. OzarkHillbilly says:

    The camel phone is out again.

  3. OzarkHillbilly says:

    Figures, you can’t call collect.

    (might be a little dated in the cell phone age)

  4. OzarkHillbilly says:

    Busy again.

  5. OzarkHillbilly says:

    ” We’re sorry. That number is no longer in service.”

  6. OzarkHillbilly says:

    The inevitable reaction when one figures out they are really talking to Friedrich Nietzsche.

  7. OzarkHillbilly says:

    He was waiting for God to call back when a salesman called offering money, power, and fabulous sex for the price one small soul that he wasn’t using anyway.

  8. OzarkHillbilly says:

    “OK God, I get it, you’re a stand up comedian playing to an audience who is afraid to laugh. Can we talk about my problems now?”

  9. OzarkHillbilly says:

    He finally figured out that the sign painter was dyslexic after 5 minutes of “Woof? Woof woof woof woof. Woofywoof wuff woof wuff wuff waffwaffwaffwaff. Weff wiff?”

  10. OzarkHillbilly says:

    I gotta go to work. You guys are on your own now.

  11. Paul Hooson says:

    “Hey, it’s that Bob Newhart phone comedy routine…”.

  12. Paul Hooson says:

    Smarl Aleck Guy: “I’d like to report a housefire”.

    Fire Dispatcher: “How do we get there?”

    Smart Aleck Guy: “Duh, big red truck?”

  13. Paul Hooson says:

    “God, why have you forsaken me?”

  14. Paul Hooson says:

    “Hello Marty Allen….How about reviving that phone comedy routine?”

  15. Paul Hooson says:

    “You may already be a winner…”

  16. Paul Hooson says:

    The #1 worst location for phone sex ever….

  17. Paul Hooson says:

    “Oh, things could be worse….This place sure beats Detroit…”

  18. Paul Hooson says:

    ” Hello, God?”

    “No, this is his son, baldheaded Christ…”

    “Oh God!”

    “No, Christ…”

  19. Paul Hooson says:

    “I know, I don’t even answers prayers for the pope either…”

  20. Paul Hooson says:

    “Hello God, I have low T….How about a miracle?”

  21. Paul Hooson says:

    “God I have this question on my mind for years. I’ve searched for the answer for years. Here’s my question God? – Do you think the actor Ned Beatty was typecast after that “squeal like a pig” scene with those mountain men in DELIVERANCE….Hello, God? Hello…You still there….I think he might have hung up…”

  22. Paul Hooson says:

    “Hello God. Ned Beatty was an acomphlished Gospel singer….So why’d he do that mountain man underwear scene in DELIVERANCE? I need to know?”

  23. Paul Hooson says:

    “Hello God. Ned Beatty here? Please send me another opportunity to do another mountain man underwear scene to me….Thank you, God. You’ll never regret it!”

  24. Paul Hooson says:

    “Hello God? What in hell is wrong with those Obamacare computers anyway?’

  25. Paul Hooson says:

    Jay Leno: “Thank God For Mayor Rob Ford”

    David Letterman: “Thank you so much for your great gift of Rob Ford”

    Jon Stewart: “Thanks God. I appreciate that Rob Ford gift”

    Conan O’Brien: “Many thanks for this gift of Rob Ford”

    Stephen Colbert: “Hey, thanks for this great gift of Rob Ford”

    Rob Ford: “Huh? What?”

  26. Paul Hooson says:

    A very religious Black man tries for years to join a segregated church in his small town, but he gets turned away each time.

    “Lord, I’ve tried for years to get into that church…”

    God responded, “Don’t worry about it son. I’ve tried for years to get into that church myself…”

  27. Paul Hooson says:

    A young man doesn’t want to get out of bed and go to church. His mother keeps shouting upstairs for him to get out of bed to go to church, but he refuses to get up.

    “Maw, give me two reasons why I should go to church?”

    “Okay! One…I’m you’re mother. Two….You’re the pastor!”

  28. Paul Hooson says:

    Paul Hooson: “Thank you Lord for housefire jokes….For Mayor Rob Ford…For Ned Beatty…”

  29. Paul Hooson says:

    Paul Hooson: “Lord, thank you for the companionship of my pet dog…Hey, owwww! Forget it, he just chewed up my thumb!”

  30. Tony W says:

    Yeah Mommy, (sniff) then they made fun of my Hammer Pants

  31. Mu says:

    “What do you mean by you don’t deliver?”

  32. LightsOut says:

    “Hi, is this Neil Peart?”

  33. LightsOut says:

    “…and please make it something fitting, like turning his whole building pink. Amen.”

  34. al-Ameda says:

    “God, what’s the deal with the Pay Phone?”

  35. Pinky says:

    “For Allah, press 1…”

  36. rodney dill says:

    “See you soon? …What the heck do you mean by that?”

  37. KM says:

    “Please hold. The next available representative will be with you shortly. Your approximate wait time is…..*static* We appreciate your business!”

  38. Tillman says:

    “I don’t understand why you’re upset, Lord.”
    “There’s no sentence in the Gospels which says ‘except Jerry.”

  39. Tylerh says:

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    No camels there — that’s Burning Man

  40. John425 says:

    Heaven’s Automated Voice Machine: “For The One God, press one, For Obama, press two. En Espanol, numero tres, for Yahweh, press 4, for The Buddha, press 5, for Allah,press 6. For all other gods please call1-800-666…”

  41. John425 says:

    Penitent caller: “But she swore she was eighteen…”

  42. Abbey Kessman says:

    “Mom? Is that you? I always knew you had special powers, but I never thought you really were Omnipotent!”

  43. Liberal Capitalist says:

    One from my favorite author…

    ——————————————

    Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful [as the Babel fish] could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the nonexistence of God.

    The argument goes like this: “I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.”

    “But,” says Man, “The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.”

    “Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly disappears in a puff of logic.

    “Oh, that was easy,” says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.

    Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo’s kidneys, but that didn’t stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book, Well That about Wraps It Up for God.

    Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.

    — Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

  44. OzarkHillbilly says:

    @Paul Hooson: OK. Paul wins.

  45. OzarkHillbilly says:

    Alright, one more I thought of while hanging drywall:

    “Hello God? Why do you hate me? Uh huh… uh huh… uh huh… WHAT??? That isn’t even a sin! The 4th huh? Oh well, but that’s it right? Wait wait wait… oh wait a minute, wow I forgot all about that. You really going to hold that against me? Ok ok. What else? The 1st commandment?!?!?!???? Wait a minute… She was only fourteen!!! Well, OK, but you gotta admit, she was pretty hot. The 5th too? Well that’s easy for you to say, they weren’t your parents! WHAAAAT??? THAT IS THE 7th????? Oh to HELL with this! Have fun God.

    “By the way, just out of curiosity, how many souls you got up there in Heaven with you? 3? That’s all? Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh… Pretty boring up there, eh? Well, you know what they say, “Better to laugh with the sinners than cry with the Saints.” I’ll be talkin’ with ya God… Oh yeah, I guess not.”

  46. John425 says:

    Caller: “No, let me start again. One half pepperoni and one half pineapple, one with extra cheese…”

  47. John425 says:

    @rodney dill: C’mon Rodney, you know the drill. If a man answers, hang up.

  48. He who must not be named says:

    If you’re God, how come you don’t have Skype?

  49. He who must not be named says:

    I hear Lily Tomlin saying, “Because we’re the phone company, which might as well be God to you.”

  50. He who must not be named says:

    Hangover IV

  51. John425 says:

    But the recruiter said there’s a girl behind every tree…

  52. It’s for you again George. Who is it Gracie? Well, I’m not completely sure. It’s either the son of man or the Son of Sam.