Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Monday, March 17, 2014
Winners will be announced next weekend.
How many of you liked your insurance?
Obama: Ok, which hip world leader famously said “The 1980s are now calling to ask for their foreign policy back because…the cold war’s been over for 20 years.”….anyone?.
How many of you future senators aren’t already millionaires? Raise your hands.
“OK, How many cried when Ol’ Yaller died?”
“Who here would rather be smoking dope?”
“Anybody got any drugs?”
“Eeeny meeny miny moe…”
So… Dissolve Congress… Those in favor?”
“Anybody need a bathroom break?”
“Who’s got a good Texas joke? Sure are a lot of Texans here…”
Okay, raise your hands. Which one of you invited Joe Biden to Spring Break?
“so how many of you are sorry you voted for me again?”
“We are the wooooooorld … “
“Raise your hand if you’re Sure….”
“How many of you are afraid of going in to THE VIEWPOINT CLUB?”
OK, so, for our next song … who knows the words to “Never Gonna Give You Up”?
“How many of you like Paul Hooson’s impression of Walter Brennan singing a gospel song on HEE HAW?”
“How many of you like Paul Hooson’s impression of the long lost episode of Yogi Bear where he eats Ranger Smith, then sleeps in a cave for months…”
“How many of you think that it’s too soon for Paul Hooson to tell David Brenner death jokes?”
“How many of you kids wish that Romney became president so that you’d have to wear that Mormon holy underwear?”
“How many of you kids know that the first bit of clothing the strippers take off at Paul’s club is the gunbelt? …It’s a tough club!”
“How many of you kids are from that Nazi youth organization?”
Okay, all together now, “Hi mom!”
Obama: “Ok, I have a guy on the phone regarding a land acquisition deal. I need a sternly worded phrase that says ‘I really wish you wouldn’t’ combined with ‘or else’ but I don’t want to sound mean. Can anyone help?”.
“I like a-you, I like a-you, definitely you, like a-you, you get out, like a-you…”
“So how many of you regret your parents voting for me?”
Obama – How many of you think that you can do a better job on the economy than me?
“How many of you’d like to take a stick to Paul Hooson if you had half the chance? Ok, how about bottles? Ok, rocks?”
One of you get to chose which ally we abandon next…
“Who’s smarter than a 2nd-termer?”
“How many of you know I told the Lie of the Year, in spite of my media trying to keep it quiet?”
“How many of you are like me & have your brackets filled out?”
How many of you think we’ve always been at war with Eastasia?
Which of you are from District 11?
Who knows the next move in the Macarena?
I have a pen and a phone, and an awesome left bicep. Who wants to feel it?
So it’s 40% Yale and 60% Harvard.
“Can anyone tell me where Crimea is? No, really, please tell me where Crimea is.”
“How many of you think my pen is mightier than Putin’s sword?”
Who else used an Axe body spray this morning?
“Okay, now let me see the hands of everyone who brought a pen and a phone!”
“OK, how many of you think I can make my comments without a teleprompter? OK, the rest of you can expect an IRS audit.”
“Come on, you all went to Yale, like Sheila Jackson Lee. Lets try this again. Lift your left arm”
M’kay, who’s gonna carry the pooper-scooper for Bo’s morning walk?…Hey! – you in the back – no fair trying to curry favor by raising BOTH hands…
Only one of you will be allowed to keep seeing his or her own doctor….
Who wants to go with me next time I meet the Biebs?
The lucky winner gets to join Michelle and me for our morning workout.
How many of you expect to live in your parents’ basements for the rest of your lives?
Who will kiss my ring?
If your family or friends say bad things about Obamacare or me, will you report them to Lois Lerner and the IRS?
Calling on those with student loans, worthless degrees, and know how to make a half caff, double mocha latte…
We have some Kool-Aid over there, want some?
Who can recite the “Our Obama” prayer by heart?
Who thinks posture is the most essential part of being president?
Who wants to pick the next Fox on air personality that we accuse violating anti-espionage laws?
For those of you who aren’t raising your hands to take the pledge, we really do where all those Fast and Furious guns are….
“then you do the hokey pokey, and ….THAT’S what it’s all about.”
President: “Who here agrees with me that I should enlarge the Supreme Court to 20 and abolish Presidential term limits?”
Yes, you, Supplicant #347, yes, you may speak.
Ok, which one of you is Spartacus?
Which of you have enrolled with the counterrevolutionary splinter group Americans for Organizing?
Who wants to see Carcosa?
Ok, which one of you is #Spartacus?
“How many of you rather take your chances with a Catholic priest then fly on a Malaysian airliner?”
“How many here know that in the event of a Malaysian pilot, your seat turns into a floatation device?”
“How many here think that Jimmy Carter looks like Lincoln compared to me?”
“How many here think that a goldfish could do a better job than me?”
“If you like your Axe deodorant, you can keep your Axe deodorant…”
“How many here know what retrograde ejaculation is?”
“Suppose, for the sake of argument, you have a housefire. If you’re White, the first thing you might rescue is the golfclubs. If you’re Black, the TV. Or Chinese, the rice bowl…”
“How many of you are happy to see Kevin Trudeau become someone’s prison bitch?”
“OK, no selfies today . . . this is all about me.”
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