Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Monday, June 9, 2014
Winners will be announced next weekend.
“Hey, I’m sorry for the bad headache guys, but enough with the bad attitude!”
Sikh and ye shall find?
“Well, that’s the last time I go to that church!”
“I don’t know why some people want the Mass in Latin. I can’t understand a single thing!”
“My money is still on the guys with the black towels on their head….They still look more badass than the yellow towel guys!”
The “Blue Turban” v. “Yellow Turban” argument got just a bit out of hand.
“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! I never said you guys were responsible for the Tracy Morgan accident! So just stop it!”
“Is this like a East coast – West coast rivalry thing?”
“If you guys don’t stop it, I won’t take you to McDonald’s for hamburgers!”
If I told you one, I’ve told you a thousand times. NO SOUP FOR YOU!
“For some reason, child stars always turn out so troubled when they grow up!”
“Stop your rioting. I told you this caption contest is run by Rodney Dill…..Not, Rodney King!”
“Some things just make you Sikh to watch!”
Boy: “Hey dad, what do these Sikh guys and Paul Hooson have in common?”
Dad: “They’re both bad for the shaving razor business?”
“I suppose this is a bad time for me to come out as gay?”
“You guys behave yourself! Why don’t you behave yourselves like people do in Portland, Oregon and ride around on bicycles in the nude!”
“Guess which one of these guys has a car powered by a jet turban!”
“Hard to believe that this country has two aircraft carriers…..For magic carpets!”
“Stop the darn fighting! I’m sorry your wife put your magic carpet in the washing machine!”
Beard To Be Wild?
A Sikh has a housefire. The first thing he rescues are the towels….
“Hey guys, I’m a tourist here. Where’s a good steakhouse around here?”
India’s least popular sitar player…..Ravi Cankersore….
“Instead of fighting all the time, get those towels off your ears so you don’t misunderstand each other and fight so much!”
“You guys need a strict woman around here to keep order! If Hillary Clinton was here, she’s give you all spankings!”
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Kill them all and let God sort ’em out.
A re-enactment of that classic battle of those for JC Penney towels and those just satisfied with those from WalMart….
“Hey you bums get out of here! You’re bad for the carpet business!”
Looks like Congress to me.
“Well, all I can say is that if this is any example right here, then the Hall Of Presidents must really suck at the Indian Disneyland!”
“You guys been hitting that cheap Thunderbird fortified wine again!”
@PAUL HOOSON: Your jokes are particularly Sikh today.
Republicans at a Bowe Bergdahl sighting.
@rodney dill: He’s definitely on a roll, and that was one Sikh pun you put out there.
Paintball is for pu$$ies.
The Yellow Turban Rebellion.*
And this is why we never hand out LSD and swords at the same time
Yessir, Game of Thrones has been translated into at least thirty different languages, but the Punjabi translation has definitely gotten the biggest following.
All hell broke loose at the Mumbai IKEA.
@rodney dill: My jokes are so poor they should seek foreign aid….BtW, did you hear about the Indian Rodney Dangerfield? “Hey, I get no rice back. I get no rice back…”
“We’re playing hide and go sikh!”
LAW & ORDER: MUMBAI?
Wait…. hold up a sec…. THESE are the guys we’re supposed to compromise with?
“That foreign act on AMERICA’S GOT TALENT left me confused and scratching my head…”
“Boy, things are sure confused at General Motors right now…”
Outraged cab driver mobs attack Paul Hooson’s strip club because of all his Sikh jokes….
“Oh Taxi! Taxi!…”
“Hey, you rival cab drivers knock it off!”
“Hey cab driver, you left the meter running while you do this?”
“Hey Whirling Dervish guy, this cab ain’t going to drive itself…..Get back in here!”
“Sgt. Bergdahl IS on our side!” “Is not!” “Is too!” “Is not!”
“Oh, SHI -ITE! Those are real swords!”
“Watch the brass, will ya huh? Those sword scratches are hard to buff out!”
7-11 & Dunkin Donuts employees debate whether to allow Joe Biden as a customer.
This happens every time the St, Louis Rams redesign their uniforms.
Things got out of hand at the Paul Hooson Look-a-like contest.
Thompson’s Jihad Seal will keep your deck looking new for years beyond counting.
Sikh: “Kill everyone who even sounds like Hooson”
Free, first of the month sword sharpening at the temple turns out to be a bad idea.
The Arabic-English interpreter was severely reprimanded when he mistranslated AT&T’s slogan to “Reach out and behead someone.”
@John425: “HOOSON CHOP
Once again, the Yellow Hat Team prevailed in the Mumbai Hide and Sikh Invitational Classic.
The TSA agent nodded off for five minutes, and look what happened.
Everybody was Kung Fu fighting, those cats were fast as lightning. In fact, was a little bit frightening, but they did it with expert timing.
The Day’s Watch? Wearing the white? The watchers on the wall?
Now over at the temple, oh, they really pack ’em in…
He killed me with a sword Mal, how weird is that?
Ahhh, so this is where the Minnesota Vikings got their hideous color scheme!
Never bring a sword to a g … uh, never mind you’re fine.
Tide’s new commercial for color-safe bleach was a first in the industry for using real bloodstains.
Training course in terrorist beheadings gets off to a wrong start.
“Hey Nehru! I hear that WalMart has an opening for a truck driver!”
Sikh Guy 1:”Hey Nehru! Did you hear that the new Miss America volunteers her time at a women’s shelter?”
Sikh Guy 2: “Wow, I sure hope that they’re able to adopt most of them and don’t have to euthanize very many of them!”
Sikh Guy 1: “Hey, anybody here know how to tell jokes and do a stand up routine?”
Sikh Guy 2: “Why?”
Sikh Guy 1: “Well, with Tracy Morgan out of work for a few days, the comedy club decided to outsource the work to India”.
“I want to deeply apologize for my jokes this week. My decision to outsource them didn’t prove very wise in retrospect…” – Paul Hooson
An Indian goes to a restaurant. The Maitre d asks if he has a reservation.
“Hey, you Rama Lama Ding Dong guys! This phone bank ain’t going to answer itself! Get back to work! Break over! Snap snap!”
“Paul Hooson” – Death by a thousand jokes?
“…..Tie a yellow turban around the old oak tree, it’s been three long years, do you still love me…..”
There were a few dicey moments at the opening of the new Lahore branch of Benihana…
‘Cause we may not be the Young Ones very long. RIP Rik Mayall.
It slices, it dices, it never gets dull! The new Sikh-o-matic from Ronco!
And then suddenly, a hockey game broke out.
No blood, no foul.
Let me guess, another religion of peace.
The arguments over whether to wear the home whites with the yellow turban or the road whites with the purple turban grew violent.
Kobe, I’m opened.
That’s going to leave a mark.
Hooson’s side are you on?
“Wow! I don’t like all these changes to CASH CAB….”
“Hey you turban boys knock it off! Do I have to call in my motorcycle pals to keep a little law and order around this joint?”
HoosonHouse–where quality was never as important as quantity.
If a sword fight breaks out in your temple, you’re doing it wrong.
@John425: I’m like the Costco of jokes – A whole 55 gallon barrel of them for one low price wheeled out on a handtruck to your truck or van by our cheerful employees!
“I never did understand the going’s on at that Mormon Temple….But, they seem like nice enough people the rest of the week…”
“Funny?:You don’t look Jewish…”
“Remind me to tell everyone here never to buy a mummy from India.- They only cover the top of the head with a bandage to save money…”
“Only in india could you do this. In the U.S. you’d have to go to city hall and take out permits to have a sword fight. And fill out endless forms asking “how large will your sword fight be?”, then go door to door to neighbors with a notification that you intend to have a sword fight to be sure there won’t be any objections from the neighbors. Then the parking bureau with the city will want to see your parking plan for the sword fight, to be sure that it won’t impact neighborhood livability, and ask if it’s possible that mass transit or car pooling can be used. Once this city agency is satisfied, another city agency will ask you to provide proof of liability insurance for this sword fight, and you will have to acquire sword fight liability insurance. Then another city agency will require that you post a $5000 bond to host the sword fight event, Finally, you will need to get approval from the police, who will either endorse or give a negative recommendation to your sword fight, before your sword fight proposal finally goes to the full city council for days of public testimony before they finally reach a final decision whether to grant you a sword fight permit or send it back to the first agency for a further 45 days of public review.- All of which takes away from the fun and spontaneity of a true Indian turban sword fight…”
Police Officer: “Ok, tell me what happened for the report…?”
Turban Guy 1: “Well, this other turban guy over here asked me for some Pringles, and things just got of hand?”
Police Officer: “What flavor?”
Turban Guy1: “Ranch, I think..”
Police Officer: “Regular or low sodium?”
Turban Guy1: “Regular”
Police Officer: “What size?”
Turban Guy1:”8.6 oz.”
Police Officer: “Is that the regular one, or the downzised can?”
Turban Guy1:”Downsized, I think…You know how things are these days.”
Police Officer: “Yeah, I know what you mean…”
“Next year ought to be even better when we take over the lease from the deaf kid’s camp next door and have twice the space…”
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