OTB Caption Contest
Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
REUTERS/Joshua Roberts
Time again for my summer break (i.e. limited time and internet access). This will be the last contest for a few weeks. The Caption Contest will pick up again later in July.
Winners will be announced sometime before the next contest.
Would you like a free book too? How about 17? I bet we could fit 24 on this scooter if we tried really hard.
No, I don’t want a free book! I just want some Metamucil!
Oh yes, please, I’ll take as many as you like. Toilet paper is soooo expensive these days.
Say what? Hard Choices? No, I thought this was the line for hard-ons.
Where’s the buffet?
Secret Service Agent 1 to SS Agent 2: Welcome to Siberia.
Secret Service Agent 2 to SS Agent 1: What did I do that was so bad? Make a little Colombian whoopie! So what?
Secret Service Agent 1 to SS Agent 2: Keep an eye on this next one, could be a wheel chair bomb.
Secret Service Agent 2 to SS Agent 1: HEY! Wake up! It’s my turn for a nap.
Secret Service Agent 2 to SS Agent 1: Does somebody need their Depends changed, or does this job always stink?
While Hillary was distracted trying to sell a book to anyone with $24.95 in their pocket, Bill was focused on the two brunettes in the background.
“Welcome to the newly-combined VA and ACA health center! Here’s a book that will fix all your problems. I had it ghost-written myself.”
“Was it a hard choice to give up walking?”
“We got here before 5. Where’s the Early Bird Special?”
Hillary Clinton enthusiastically greets the only two people who’ve actually managed to read her book.
@Tillman:
Edit: “Was it a Hard Choice™ to give up walking?”
Secret Service Agent 1: “So, they’re saying she’s gonna be the next president?”
SS Agent 2: “Doesn’t matter. President’s not the president anyway, you know that.”
@Hal_10000: It wasn’t their fault. The cable was out and they couldn’t watch FOX News.
“You’re old and White, you must be a Republican voter, right?”
“Does this place carry cigars?”
Hillary: I Was in a wheelchair too after I was shot on the tarmac in Bosnia
Here’s my check for $200,000 Mrs. Clinton. Thanks for coming.
I’m in room 415.
I’m never washing this hand again. Oh, who am I kidding, I haven’t washed it for 30 years.
More evidence that anyone who wants to be president this bad probably shouldn’t be.
@Tyrell: I think we have a winner.
Hillary: “No Lazarus, you won’t be able to walk unless you buy my book.”
Hillary: “Yes, my book is included in your AARP health plan membership.”
George: “You’ll never guess what happened!”
Jerry: “You mugged Stephen Hawking?”
Woman on Right: “So what’s her Secret Service code name?”
Agent: “Camel Toe”
Woman on Right: “Look’s more like Moose Knuckle to me.”
“Yes, I guarantee if you die before 2016, you can still vote for me.”
“This is Casey Kasem here, and next up at #38 is a crossover country hit by Travis Tritt, entitled “Wheelchair Rider”….”I’m a wheelchair rider…..And the wheels keep on rolling from town to town….Yeah, wheelchair rider…..town to town, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh…”
Wrap it up, Hillary. My low battery light just came on.
Old Guy: “You know Mrs. Clinton, your health care plan never even got off the ground. And Obama’s only meant a lot of regulations and more taxes”.
Clinton: “So what’s left?”
Old Guy” “The Republican dental plan…….It’s called “CHEW ON THE OTHER SIDE”….”
NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU, MR. HAWKING. Please, stop shouting. I’m neither deaf nor Mr. Hawking.
Old Guy : “Hello Mrs. Clinton, I’m a retired Democratic Party Chairman and I used to have lunch with my Republican Chairman friend a few years ago, and we used to talk shop. He used to tell me that when he rode a cab, he gave the driver a $100 tip and told the cab driver to tell all of his passengers” to vote Republican”. I told him, “That’s funny. I do something very similar”. I ride a cab, and never leave a tip…..Oh, and I told the cab driver “to vote Republican”.
Hello, I’m Professor Xavier. And I’d like to talk to you about your husband’s ‘Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell’ mutant registration policy.
Old Guy: “I’ll take two. I’m buying as a gag gift for a couple of friends….”
Old Man: “What’s the name of your book?”
Clinton: “HILLARY CLINTON: ANOTHER CLINTON…..CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR”.
Old Guy: “Hello, your First Ladyshipness… I have a question. You know that “DOME” show on CBS?”
Clinton: “Yes, I’m aware of it?”
Old Guy: “Well, I wonder why they don’t dig a little trench underneath and crawl to the other side…”
Old Guy: “You know, the other day I saw the most offensive pornographic Website while surfing the Internet. Young women, barely college aged, doing the most filthy and vile obscene acts. Every filthy sexual act that you could ever imagine”.
Clinton: “I’m sorry about that!”
Old Guy: “Oh, no reason to feel sorry. Those girls on the Website were doing those acts to old guys in wheelchairs. It was one of the best things that I’ve ever seen”.
Old Guy: “It was so nice for you to take your books directly from your publisher to donate them here at the Goodwill!”
Clinton: “Oh. I get a tax write-off, believe me…”
“No, it’s not a cookbook, but I did cook the books at the Rose Law Firm.”
You don’t remember me? I’m Billy Dale.
Pretty good makeup job for James O’Keefe, don’t you think?
#winning
“You run over my foot kid and I’ll smash you so hard, you’ll look like my husbands stain on Monica’s dress. Here, have a book!”
Hillary: “Here you go.”
Kid: “Who the hell are you?”
“No, there will not be any f****** pudding.”
“I’m looking for the non-fiction section”
Oh my, did I take the red pill or the blue pill this morning?
Was it a hard choice when you picked out that color pantsuit this morning?
Just make sure you keep that trouble maker Nakoula Basseley Nakoula locked up.
Old Man: “Hello, Mrs. Clinton. Mick Jagger here with my girlfriend. We’re in town for a book signing too!”
Old Man: “Hello Mrs. Clinton. I’m Mickey Dolenz from The Monkees……I remember that terrible news when I rang the bell over at Davy Jones home. His wife told me that he just passed away. I didn’t believe it! Then, I saw her face…..Now, I’m a bereaver”.
Old Man: “Mrs. Clinton, did your hear that actor Eli Wallach died?”
Clinton: “He played Mr.Freeze on the old BATMAN series”.
Old Man: “I hope Paul Hooson doesn’t joke that. That would be cold!”
Old Wheelchair Guy: “This is actually a carry-over theme from last week. I’m a Transformer, Hiram, the elderly and arthritic Jew”.
The Secret Service agents amused themselves all day making “Book ’em, Danno” jokes.
Hillary: “Please buy my book. I need the money.”
Help, I’ve fallen in the polls and I can’t get up.
My name is Christopher Pike. Are you Vina?
Yes, you can be invited to the White House if you buy enough books, and I am elected President. drmrs 6/29/2014 Rockville, MD