Michael Vick Lawsuit Alleges Al Qaeda Ties

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse for Michael Vick:

Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a “$63,000,000,000 billion dollar” lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy “missiles from Iran,” FOX News has learned.

[…]

The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.

“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint. Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver “ delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

Developing . . .

(See an image of the handwritten complaint, which includes other charges such as identity theft and copyright violations, here. A PDF is available here.)

FILED UNDER: Humor, Law and the Courts, Sports, , , ,
James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is Professor and Department Head of Security Studies at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College and a nonresident senior fellow at the Scowcroft Center for Strategy and Security at the Atlantic Council. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm vet. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.

Comments

  1. markm says:

    I was pretty sure MV was screwed when his three buds turned states witness. Now, he’s toast. NOBODY has $63,000,000,000 billion laying around. That is some serious cabbage.
    Just curious…what’s the pit bull/Iranian missile exchange rate at?

  2. Bithead says:

    Well, the problem is that Iranian missiles a number of years ago word all that effective. The bulls were more effective, so it was a market that rather favored pit bull owners. I’m not quite sure what the situation is just now.

    I think however that there is only one thing certain of all of this. That being that I’ve got a new “news of the weird” entry for this evening.

  3. Michael says:

    Iran is developing nuclear-powered pit bulls of mass destruction? We absolutely must invade now! Dog-fight them over there so we don’t have them dog-fighting over here….or something like that.

    BTW, James, didn’t you used to have a “Humor” tag? Wouldn’t that be appropriate for this article?

  4. Exchange rate…

    How many pit bulls does it cost for an Iranian missile?…

  5. […] tip- James Joyner at OTB. One of the commenters there gave me the title of this post when he asked. ‘Just […]

  6. James Joyner says:

    James, didn’t you used to have a “Humor” tag? Wouldn’t that be appropriate for this article?

    Unfortunately, this is a straight news story. I’ve tagged it “Humor,” though, per your suggestion to dissuade those who might think I actually take the allegations seriously.

  7. Michael says:

    Unfortunately, this is a straight news story.

    No it’s not, it’s from Fox.

    Sorry, couldn’t resist it.

  8. legion says:

    Now I’ve got this image in my head of the old Far Side cartoon of the guy confronting a burglar with his ‘dobie-o-matic’ doberman gun. Clearly, Gary Larsen has been working for the terrorists all along, and has now helped Iran develop the super new ‘pit bull-o-matic’ mkII, capable of firing rabid fighting dogs deep into enemy territory…

    Clearly, I haven’t had enough coffee yet this morning…

  9. Dodd says:

    I’m not entirely sure why, but I find the little © symbols after each instance of his name intensely amusing.

    I’m tempted to hold forth on the lack of any allegation that Vick was an agent of the federal gov’t for purposes of his Bivens, FTCA, and civil rights claims, but I, too, am afraid that someone might think I took the pleading seriously….

  10. yojoe says:

    The inmate who sued Michael Vick has sued many other people, including LeBron James, Barry Bonds, and Tony Montana.

    http://dreadnaught.wordpress.com/tag/jonathan-lee-riches/

    yojoe