A parody by Mark Morford of San Francisco’s Gate: Sex Tips From Rick Santorum. My favorite:

Dear Sen. Santorum, R-Pa.:I’m a proud straight football-loving beer-drinkin’ male who loves his SUVs big and his baseball hats backward. Lately I’ve found that I really enjoy anal stimulation during sex with my girlfriend. Increasingly, my fantasies involve this totally mega-bitchin’ hot act. Does this mean I’m gay? –Homo in my Michelob, Florida

Dear Homo: Yes, it most certainly does. And while I have nothing against you as a person per se, I must say I do very much loathe and despise and consider a desperate threat to the very fabric of humanity as a whole those disgusting unspeakable things you are doing. You are a vile unhealthy abominable AIDS-latent family-destroying sinner, and I’m deeply terrified of everything you do and stand for and insert into your perverted little body.

Heh. The rest aren’t quite as family-friendly.

(Hat tip: VodkaPundit)

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James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is Professor and Department Head of Security Studies at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm veteran. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.


  1. Caleb says:

    Mark is definitely not an anal retentive guy.