Well, That Was Sure A Crappy Week

As only it can, The Onion sums up what has been a really crappy week:

“Seriously, can we wrap this up already?” Maryland resident James Alderman told reporters, echoing the thoughts of all 311 million Americans, who have just about reached their weekly goddamned quota for carnage, misery, confusion, heartbreak, and rage. “Because, you know, I’m pretty sure we’ve all had our hearts ripped out of our chests and stomped on enough times for one seven-day period, thank you very much.”

“Man oh man,” Alderman added, shaking his head. “Can you believe this? Can you honestly believe the kind of piece-of-shit week we’re having here?”

According to a new poll by the Pew Research Center, when reached for comment on this week, 93 percent of Americans responded “Okay, enough’s enough here, you have seriously got to be kidding me with this week,” with 84 percent saying “Is it Sunday yet? What? How in the hell are we only at Thursday? What the hell is going on?” and 100 percent of Americans responding “No, no, go ahead, just pile some more horrific shit on this hellish shitshow of a week. Have at it.”

I’m beginning to think there’s something about the third week of April that lends itself to this.

Just consider this:

  • April 15, 2013 — Boston Marathon Bombings
  • April 17, 2007 — Virginia Tech Shootings
  • April 17, 2013 — Explosion at Fertilizer plant in West, Texas kills at least 35
  • April 19, 1993 — FBI/ATF raid on Waco Branch Davidian Compound
  • April 19, 1995 — Alfred E.. Murrah Building (Oklahoma City, OK) destroyed in terror attack
  • April 19, 2013 — Boston shutdown as authorities search for at-large terrorist
  • April 20, 1999 — Mass Shooting at Columbine High School

Maybe next year we should all just take the week off.

FILED UNDER: Humor, Quick Takes
Doug Mataconis
About Doug Mataconis
Doug holds a B.A. in Political Science from Rutgers University and J.D. from George Mason University School of Law. He joined the staff of OTB in May 2010. Before joining OTB, he wrote at Below The BeltwayThe Liberty Papers, and United Liberty Follow Doug on Twitter | Facebook

Comments

  1. KansasMom says:
  2. CSK says:

    I checked to make sure this really was from the Onion, because, frankly, “Mr. Alderson” sounds just like everyone in the greater Boston area.

    Remember the show “That Was the Week That Was”? This was the week that sucked. Big time.

  3. John Burgess says:

    “April is the cruelest month”

    T.S. Eliot, “The Waste Land”

  4. This week so bad that when conspiracy theorist Elvis impersonator was caught trying to poison the president it was considered a backpage news story.

  5. David in KC says:

    Two of my bosses over the last 8 years have unfortunate birthdays, one is April 19 and one is September 11.

  6. Gustopher says:

    North Korea seemed to take the week off though, or has their crazy saber rattling just been bumped out of the headlines?

  7. al-Ameda says:

    April 15, 2013 — Boston Marathon Bombings
    April 17, 2007 — Virginia Tech Shootings
    April 17, 2013 — Explosion at Fertilizer plant in West, Texas kills at least 35
    April 19, 1993 — FBI/ATF raid on Waco Branch Davidian Compound
    April 19, 1995 — Alfred E.. Murrah Building (Oklahoma City, OK) destroyed in terror attack
    April 19, 2013 — Boston shutdown as authorities search for at-large terrorist
    April 20, 1999 — Mass Shooting at Columbine High School

    Yes but, on the bright side, the Senate did NOT pass a bill that would have expanded and strengthened background checks for gun purchases – god knows it’s too damned hard to purchase a weapon in the country.

  8. Jenos Idanian #13 says:

    From one Laura Mitchell, courtesy of Instapundit:

    “This week is so bad that an Elvis-impersonating conspiracy theorist sent poison to Obama and THAT’S LIKE THE TENTH BIGGEST STORY.”

  9. grumpy realist says:

    Eh. I think the whole fertilizer-plant-went-splooie is pure accident/negligence/stupidity.

    It may be heartwarming to the porch-cons to have your volunteer firemen run to put out a fire, but when they haven’t been trained to deal with chemical fires, you gotta expect this sort of thing to happen. (Some of the chemical commentary indicate that depending what was stored at the plant, putting water on the fire just made things worse.)

  10. matt says:

    Obviously it’s Hitler’s fault.. His birthday is the 20th of April.

  11. matt says:

    @grumpy realist: Of the volunteer fire departments I know of (family volunteers in several) all of them are trained to handle any unique situations that exist in their area. Training isn’t an issue and in most cases there’s little difference in actual performance between a volunteer force and a “professional’ force. The big difference is the massive increase in costs associated with a “professional” force.

  12. Jenos Idanian #13 says:

    @grumpy realist: Certain events are so big, that even “professional” first responders don’t have a chance. For example, on 9/11 343 firefighters and paramedics were killed on the World Trade Center, and I think we’d all agree that the NYFD qualifies as “professional.”

  13. Motopilot says:

    Another story that might otherwise have gotten more attention outside the-news-week-from-hell is the report issued by The Constitution Project regarding the detainee torture we’ve been committing in this “War on Terror”. But then maybe that’s because we’ve all really known that “Enhanced Interrogation” really was torture all along and it’s not really something people want rubbed in their face at this point. It is interesting, however, that, in the same week as this report was issued, politicians such as Lindsey Graham want to go down that road again with the Boston Marathon bomber, essentially giving the finger to The Constitution Project.

  14. Franklin says:

    Well, it *is* tax week.

  15. Motopilot says:

    @matt:

    Of the volunteer fire departments I know of (family volunteers in several) all of them are trained to handle any unique situations that exist in their area. Training isn’t an issue and in most cases there’s little difference in actual performance between a volunteer force and a “professional’ force.

    Are volunteer firefighters (or professional, for that matter) trained to handle unique situations such as fertilizer plants storing more than 1000 times the amount of reported level of ammonium nitrate? Or is this source incorrect?

    http://hotair.com/greenroom/archives/2013/04/20/reuters-west-fertilizer-plant-didnt-disclose-ammonium-nitrate-stores/

  16. rudderpedals says:

    @Motopilot: Based on the full Reuters article through your link, with the nearby tank of explosive gas once the dry stuff ignited it was game over with blasts inevitable, and no one had a chance. Texas state had the last clear opportunity to protect warehouse’s neighbors and failed miserably at its most essential function.

  17. matt says:

    @Motopilot: No one is..

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