OTB Caption Contest
Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
REUTERS/Yuri Gripas
Winners will be announced after Friday PM.
REUTERS/Yuri Gripas
Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be announced after Friday PM.
Dear Lord, please give this man a clue, and a healthy dose of humility before it’s too late.
God? Is it too much to ask for one sane Republican? Just one?
God grant me the senility to forget Ted Cruz, Eric Cantor, Rand Paul, Mike Lee, Mitch McConnell, and… and…. What’s his name? Praise Jesus! Who says prayer doesn’t work!
And Thank you God, for Chris Christie.
Please God, just help me hold it until this is over.
God? If it’s not too much to ask, could you slip a little salmonella into the Congressional cafeteria Tuesday morning? Thank you.
They all thought he was asking forgiveness until he began to snore.
Ronald Reagan once wished that David Copperfield could make the budget deficit disappear. Here, Obama is praying that his party at least hold on to the Senate, and save the rest of his presidency.
Let us pray:
“Lord myself
Who art in Washington
Hallowed be my name
My kingdom come
Mine will be done
In Red states while screwing the Blue
Give me my daily golf
and forgive my incompetence
as I forgive the low information voter
Lead me not into reality
but deliver me from capitalistic evil”
Let us pray:
“Lord myself
Who art in Washington
Hallowed be my name
My kingdom come
Mine will be done
In Blue states while screwing the Red
Give me my daily golf
and forgive my incompetence
as I forgive the low information voter
Lead me not into reality
but deliver me from capitalistic evil”
Dear Heavenly Father, please let his State of the Union blathering last less than twenty minutes…
“Don’t White people go to church any more?”
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
3 GOP responses to my SOTU address? Lord give me strength!
At odds with computer programmers, Barack Obama tries to solve the Healthcare.gov website issues with transcendental meditation.
At the funeral, the President had to fight back a smile about Allen West’s “you and what army” challenge.
” . . . and, above all else Lord, please don’t let my teleprompter malfunction.”
NSA decided to abandon previous efforts to monitor Americans & implant a microphone directly into the President’s head.
God, grant me the serenity to refuse the things I cannot change,
The courage to change everything I can with my pen & phone,
And wisdom to know there’s no difference.
“Does standing in front of this choir make my ego look fat?”
“Let ’em eat cake . . . . or bread & water just like Sheriff Joe!”
Well, that’s different, usually he’s preaching to the choir.
Let us prey.
The prayer circle behind him: ” Especially important is the warning to avoid conversations with the demon. We may ask what is relevant but anything beyond that is dangerous. He is a liar. The demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological, Damien, and powerful. So don’t listen to him. Remember that – do not listen. “
Dude, the NSA is out of control. Look, they’ve put a camera that sticks up right out of the back of the president’s head.
After being briefed on the Army’s latest R&D efforts on miniaturizing weaponized lasers the president had one grafted onto his frickin’ head. No doubt it will come in useful at the SOTU address. Pay careful attention to which way he looks most of the time.
Hope and change is now plug and pray.
The president takes a moment to calm himself amongst all these bitter clingers.
Yeah, real funny, guys. I’m closing my eyes and counting to ten; and when I open them, my mike had better be back where it belongs.
Mmmmmm, yeah……….. that birdie on the fifth hole was sweeeeet!
(“Thank God for Grecian Formula.”)
“Lord, why did they trade Luol Deng, why?”
Glad I had these Google Eyelids implanted so I can watch SportsCenter while this is going on.
Contemplation of life without a $1.5B expense account is sobering.
“Momma was right . . . . . . I AM special and people like me.”
“snooooore”
The agent said she’s be wearing a white pearl necklace. Now what am I going to do?!
Holy Christ!
Reminds me of the story about a religious Black man who tried unsuccessfully year after year to become a member of a segregated White church. Finally, he gave up and tearfully prayed to God, “Lord, I tried for years to get into that church. But, they would never let me in. I’m so sorry”. But, then the Lord appeared to him and attempted to comfort him, “Don’t worry about it son. I tried for years to get into that church myself…”
New horror film in theaters: OBAMA: THE ANTI-COMPETENT
Obama thought bubble: “Lady, I got no problem with Bible-thumpers, but that’s my damn head.”
I’ll give the president credit for spending his day in church. By comparison, I spent my day as a car dealership owner and a strip club owner. You decide which one is worse….
At least the president believes in the Lord. – By comparison, I chided two stripper girls onstage at my strip club for turning my club into a den of sin & iniquity. – But, then I told them that I loved what they did to the place!
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, Nam-myoho-renge-kyo…….
Thought Bubble: (My fave is when the baby says, “Ok, does it bother anybody else that the mime is talkin?” then he goes, “FFFFreaky!”, heehee. I love that baby.)