Monday, February 20, 2017
Time For The Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners for this contest will be announced next weekend.
“I’ve decided we’re building a wall across the Northern Border too. Come on, Trudeau, pay up.”
How’s that carbon tax coming?
“And so I said, Vlad, you know I’m good for the $800 million, right?”
“See? I have normal sized hands. Pretty large hands actually.”
Trump: “Canada’s such a wonderful place. I hear Quebec is all hockey players and whores.”
Trudeau: “Uh…. My wife is from Quebec, Mr. President.”
Trump: “…and I hear she’s a damn good forward too.”
“I mean, you have to admit, these are big hands. Huge. The greatest. I mean, the greatest since – you have to admit – Ronald Reagan, and these hands were bigly. The biggest hands.”
“Spit on it and we have a deal”
“I thought you were bringing me poutine?”
Nothing up my sleeve.
“Hey, what are friends for? You take all the Syrians & we’ll take your oil.”
“California for British Columbia & New York for Quebec, deal?”
“We’re having the meatloaf for lunch buddy. Deal?”
Now he’s got Donnie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Donnie. Trouble with the bill? He goes to Donnie. Trouble with the courts, the press, he can call Donnie. But now the guy’s gotta come up with Donnie’s money every week, no matter what. Business bad? “F you, pay me.” Oh, you had a fire? “F you, pay me.” Place got hit by lightning, huh? “F you, pay me.”
“Meh. I’ve seen bigger.”
No way am I touching that hand. Dog only knows what it’s grabbed lately.
@James Pearce: Gotta love Goodfellas. Scorsese’s best.
Trudeau sees no reason to partake in another dick measuring contest.
I’m the king of the slap-hand game kid. Do you have that in Canada?
You got the job Trudeau, congrats.
Trudeau: “Yeah thanks, but I never really wanted it, I was in it just for the buzz and for some secret deals with Russian agents.”
“Justin … that is your name … right? It’s incredible, Jared, isn’t it? Just 4 weeks and I’m already the greatest president in American history! Nobody has achieved what this administration has I have. Incredible! We I have strengthened our partnership with Canada. Strong!”
DT: Go Ahead, Justin. Smell it.
JT: No thanks. Smelling Melania’s perfume was enough.
See, they even spray-paint my hands orange…now that’s attention to detail you guys don’t see in Canada.
Trump: “I use my right hand. What do Canadians use?”
Trump: “I wash my hands right after. Do you?”
Trudeau: “I never really wanted to be the Canadian Prime Minister…. I always wanted to be a …. Lumberjack”
So I’m holding that poor gerbil in my hand, and I think, “should I smell it?” I really wanted to smell it, Justin. So I smelled it. It was wonderful.
Ok this is the deal, You take all our Mexicans and Muslims and we`ll take all your half French. I love Canadians and their whiskey. Great stuff.
Show me how Canadians grab ’em by the beaver tail.
Hmm, you say you’re Justin, from Canada? I know another Justin from Canada. Great kid. Sings wonderful. Do you know him?
“Skin, bro “
“I made up fake crime news about Sweden. Mind if I make up fake crime news about your country?”.
No thanks, Don. I don’t know where that hand’s been.
“Give me five. On the side. Up high. Down low. Down low. Down low …. Now, come on, kid. This time I swear I won’t pull my hand away.”
“Quantum computing is like the best computing. It’s a totally new computing. Will be completely quantum. In Trump Tower, it’s all quantum computers. Really the best quantum computers.”
“No, it’s flat, just like this. If the Earth were round, how would the oceans stick to the surface? Sad!”
“You got to hand it to the ladies…”.
“I enjoyed your Doonesbury…”.
“That was Gary Trudeau…”.
“You mean,Gary, Indiana?”.
“I studied at College Jean-De-Brebeuf, and you?’.
“I studied Roman history at Caesar’s Palace”.
“So, is your singing career on hold?”.
“That’s Justin Bieber…”.
“Any chance we could trade Paul Hooson, for say a little lumber to build houses after some housefire jokes…”.
“Hey did you hear about the customer who walks into a Dollar Tree store wearing a green shirt. Another customer asks him, “Are you an employee?”. “No”, he answers. “Well, you should dress better”. – Thank you ladies and prime ministers, try the veal..Be sure to drive back to Canada safely…”.
“See all of these empty promises? They’re for America, but I have some for Canada too!”
“Oh, Grandpa, tell us another story….”.
“Hey, try the meatloaf. No, I insist, try the meatloaf. As sure as God is my witness, try the meatloaf.So help me, God, try the meatloaf…”.
Continued from the last joke….”If you know what’s good for you, you will try the meatloaf. BTW, you hear about the Swedish terrorist thing. It’s the worst thing to happen in Sweden since IKEA….You will try the meatloaf…”.
An hour later….”Jesus Christ, try the meatloaf….Damn it, try the meatloaf, I swear to the heavens, try the meatloaf…”.
The next day….”I’m swearing on the bones of all the saints, try the meatloaf…..”.
Finally in 2032, an elderly Donald Trump mumbles something as a snow sled is thrown in a fire with the inscription on it, …”Meatloaf”…
“…and now a special award for our friends from Canada… PSYCH! It’s empty. Now go back home ya damn Canuck.”
“I’m signing an executive order to round up the usual Hollywood suspects who promised they’d go to Canada & you’re to take ’em with you.”
“Paul Hooson’s jokes are pretty bad. But, the wave of antisemitism seem rather harsh…”.
When you’re sliding into first, and you’re feeling something burst, diarrhea, diarrhea …
“Um, no. I don’t think so. There’s really no telling where that hand has been.”
Put her there fellow Putin lover.
No, poutine. Not Putin.
The prime minister was asked if he would like to stay the night, but declined the creepover sleepover…
Two places where you want to sleep with one eye open, the Trump White House and prison…
“I took one look at this hand and decided to fill the job over at the Bureau Of Labia Statistics myself…”.
“…and, I also consider myself an amateur gynecologist as well…”.
“Melania vs. Sophie in a cage match, whaddya say?”
“We are lesion…”.
“I have a new conspiracy theory. I really think that illegal aliens were not born here…”.
“Son, do as I say or I’ll put you over my knee…”.
“As sure as God is my witness, on August 6, me and my followers are going to put on tin foil hats and wait on the roof for the mothership to take us to our new life on the other planet…”.
When my opponent goes high, I go low!
Obama liked to lead from behind. I’m here to lead from below.
Trump: “So, I’ll trade California for British Columbia, Saskatchewan, Manitoba and Alberta. Deal?”
Make a one-time donation
OTB Caption Contest Winners
Kevin Williamson and the Limits of Polite Discourse
OTB Caption Contest