Outside the Beltway

Shaving and Dating

Robert Prather · Sunday, July 9, 2006 · 5 comments

It seems to be in fashion to link to Craig’s list lately, so I’ll follow suit.

There’s an interesting “best of” about the rules of dating that is downright hilarious. Among other things, the writer says, in a note to his roommate:

PAY ATTENTION TO THE CONVERSATION. You always complain about uncomfortable silences. Well, d*ckhead, what is it that you’re talking about that leads to silence? You’re doing one of two thing: (1) Talking about stuff that’s boring as hell to most people, that could lead to potential conflicts, or that makes her feel uneasy (topics in this category include: work, politics, sports, religion and sex). If you get into a relationship, you might have long discussions about any of these topics. That’s cool, that’s healthy. But whipping that stuff out on the first date is most likely going to be a conversation killer; or, (2) You’re talking about yourself. You tend to do that a lot. Shut the f*ck up. It’s about her, not you. Keep the conversation going by asking her follow-up questions and offering selective tidbits about yourself. That way, she feels like not only are you interested in her, but also she’s learning about you. It doesn’t matter what questions you ask her, just keep her talking. AND F*CKING LISTEN. Don’t go on auto-pilot–she’ll pick up on the fact that you’re not really listening to her right away.

Most of this stuff shouldn’t need to be said, but it’s worthwhile for some of us (me!!) to see it as a reminder. Last year, in a failed attempt to woo a girl, I was trying to avoid many of the things the guy says here, but failed spectacularly. Now, keep in mind, I was searching for a way to compliment her that didn’t involve violating any of the rules mentioned above. All I could come up with was that she “looked comfortable in her skin”. This sounded much better before I said it. [update: I should add that she seemed very down to earth and happy, which was the original basis for the attraction. I still don’t know how to say something like that without being creepy. Probably best to say nothing.]

It’s easy to see any potential for a relationship disappear before your eyes and it happened to me. After saying it, I immediately thought I came across as a stalker, though it’s the first thing I thought when I met her. She seemed to think I came off poorly as well (understatement). The tone of the conversation went downhill from there and all hope was destroyed. I’m currently looking for better, more spectacular ways to rid myself of those pesky second dates if anyone else has any ideas. Please add them to the comments.

Also, shaving seems to be getting more attention these days, for those who are interested.