Hugo Chavez: Capitalism May Have Destroyed Life On Mars

Meet Hugo Chavez, President of Venzuela and Xenoarcheologist:

CARACAS (Reuters) – Capitalism may be to blame for the lack of life on the planet Mars, Venezuela’s socialist President Hugo Chavez said on Tuesday.

“I have always said, heard, that it would not be strange that there had been civilization on Mars, but maybe capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived and finished off the planet,” Chavez said in speech to mark World Water Day.

Still awaiting word on whether Chaves holds the Koch Brothers responsible for Venus’s Sulfuric Acid atmosphere.

Via @Allahpundit on Twitter

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Doug Mataconis
About Doug Mataconis
Doug Mataconis held a B.A. in Political Science from Rutgers University and J.D. from George Mason University School of Law. He joined the staff of OTB in May 2010 and contributed a staggering 16,483 posts before his retirement in January 2020. He passed far too young in July 2021.


  1. legion says:

    I predict a new Obama birth certificate scandal…

  2. Kylopod says:

    This is one of those moments where I have no idea until I place the mouse above the link whether the article is from the Onion or not.

  3. Franklin says:

    Or maybe communism or socialism or fascism (do I need a Ferris Bueller quote about -isms here?) arrived there, it’s just so hard to say what wiped them out. I’m sure we’ll get closer to the truth just as soon as we figure out if life has ever even existed there and whether it was more advanced than a microbe.

  4. sacundim says:

    Eh, Chavez was pretty obviously just telling a joke. Maybe it comes out clearer if we render it in English more informally:

    “You know, there’s some people who think there may have been life on Mars once upon a time, but not anymore, something wiped them out. Well, imagine if the Martians had capitalism; that would’ve definitely done the trick!”

  5. Wiley Stoner says:

    I see your point dimsac. Capitalism sure ruined this country. Just which communist country is it that has reached the pinicle of the best place to live, standard of living wise. Which socialist or communist nation has people risking their lives to come to live in a workers paradise? Chavez is an idiot. He looks like a cross between a monkey and ???.

  6. Tlaloc says:

    Capitalism sure ruined this country

    It pretty well killed the american dream (or more accurately aborted it as the dream never made it to realization.