Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Monday, September 20, 2010
Winners will be announced Thursday PM
i took viagra and grew this big !
“No Mister President, you’re a free man. You bow only to God.”
Why are you laughing Mr. President, all I asked for is voluntary Christian tithings, not government redistributive handout.
Certainly you don’t think the Parable of The Unjust Steward is a joke.
“So glad you’re a Christian this week, Mr. President.”
“Well, Mr. President, looks like falling poll numbers got you out of bed this Sunday morning.”
Yes, Mr. President, God is a miracle worker but even He can’t help your failed economic policies.”
“Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s” ……. and, Mr. President, let us rich Episcopalians keep what we have.”
“Although most churches have a coffee hour after services, we’re holding a little “Tea Party” just for you, Mr. President.”
“So nice to finally meet you, Mr. President; I’ve spent the last 19 months asking ‘Pew 54 where are you?'”
“An imam, a sheikh and a mullah walk into a bar…”
No Mr. President, it isn’t a joke. The first Commandment really does mean that.
I tell ya Rev…that part about being humble? Cracked. Me. Up!
An an omnipotent being who isn’t from Chicago – that’s a good one. See you a few more times before November 2nd, then in ’12, k?
Obama: “Hey, not having to kneel on a prayer rug in your church is cool!”
Obama: “Hey, Imam, I mean- Reverend!”
Minister: “So–tell me, Mr President- did I do OK for a white guy?”
“Ow, I don’t think that communion is setting well with me”
“You know, Mr. President, you can Map-quest us.”
So you already heard that joke about the Rabbi, Minister, Priest, and Jihadist Muslim.
Ah Reverand, I didn’t understand a single word you said. You don’t sound at all like my Marxist, Racist, USA hating, Black Liberation espousing Minister.
Sorry, I just realized I recieved a cracker from a cracker.
Obama: “Inshallah, padre!”
Obama: “OK if I dip my toes in the baptismal font?”
No kidding! You mean you actually believed that health care reform would be good for the deficit?
“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.” That was a good one, I’m going to have to remember that one.
You’ve got your commandmants and I’ve got Alinsky’s rules. We’ll see which works better.
“Man, am I glad I only had daughters.”
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Reverand, after that sermon, I the Messiah, am going to revoke your tax exempt status.
Obama: “I can haz absolution?”
“Gee, Mr. President, if I knew you would only come to church to listen to a Muslim opinion, I would have invited Dr. Ziad Asali to be our guest speaker last year.”
“Okay, okay. How about I hand you this piece of parchment, and you go out there and say, ‘Behold! The prophecy as been fulfilled!”
“Well Reverend, just between the two of us. It’s a funny thing…But it was the Vatican that ordered the hit on JFK.”
“Well Reverend, if you must know. The Second Coming of Christ was cut short one stormy night over the desert of Roswell, New Mexico. We mistook Jesus, Moses and Elijah for some weather balloons.”
“Well Mr. President, how did you like my little sermon on Liberation Theology? That ought to put the fear of God in those Capitalist Pigs! And rally the Sandinistas for the November elections!”
“So Rev. Wright reads to me his sermon on racial harmony, and I say to him: ‘God Bless American? God Bless American? More like God damn America!”
“So Rev. Wright sends me this here copy of his sermon on racial harmony for my opinion. And I write back: ‘God Bless American? God Bless American? More like, God damn America!”
“So Rev. Wright sends me this advanced copy of his sermon on racial harmony for my opinion. And I write back: ‘God Bless American? God Bless American? More like, God damn America!”
“So Rev. Wright reads to me an advanced copy of his now infamous racial harmony sermon, and at the time I say to him: ‘God Bless American? God Bless American? More like, God damn America!”
“I warned Rev. Wright he had to work on his delivery: Its ‘God damn, America.’ Like she surprised, or pleasantly impressed you. Not, ‘God damn America!’ like you’re sitting in judgement of her.”
“Sorry we ran out of toilet paper, Mr. President. But I mostly used up the last roll to write my sermon…. Mostly. Want to see?!”
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