"I'd hit it."

"Fingercuffs!"

It's an American joke George Bush told me: Pull my thumb.

"We're still on the same page, right Vlad?"

"Oil for food? My lips are sealed, Puti-puti."

"Try to guess where my other thumb is, Vladimir."

Here are three:

~Is the UNSCAM coverup proceeding as planned Jacques? Yes, Vlad, we've got a Newsweek story that is to die for running this very week.

~Hey, did you catch Condi in those boots? GRWWWW!

~The plans for the Death Star will soon be in our hands, and the rebellion will be crushed. All that has happened is as it was foreseen.

Ya think I could pull out a plum boss?

Rock covers paper, Chirac wins!

"You can get your thumb out of my ass anytme, now, Carmine...."

Hooonneeee, who *is* this funny-smelling guy and why is he looking at you like that!?

"Hey Vlad -- nice ass!"

"Thanks, Jacques. I've been hitting the gym."

"Lyndon B. Johnson, Martha Stewart and Vladimir Putin walk into a bar, and the bartender asks them, 'What is this, some kind of joke?'"

Not with you.

"PPPffffffttttt"

Lady: Oh my god Vlad, you stink!!!!

Man on left: Good one Mr Putin....Borscht
again for dinner last night?

Putin: Da, it was a bit wet too!!

She's into thumbs being sucked ,only !!!

Thumbo baby!

En France, ceci signifie que vous sucez!

"As a matter of fact, Vlad, I HAVE always wanted to have a threesome with two world leaders. Is Jacque up for it?"

I offer my condolences, Vladimir... with a putz only this long, I'd want an army to feel like a man, too.

"I'd buy THAT for a dollar!"

Clouseau: Does yer dewg bite?

"I will give you 3,000 Swiss Francs and a night with my wife Svetlana if you give me Condi Rice's phone number"

Grandma Marie's House of BDSM is not for the timid.

"Never a cop around when you need one? Keep a spare or two and be confident!" FOP ad in the AARP Journal.

In a forgotten episode of "Batman" -- starring Adam West and Burt Ward -- arch-villainess Mother Anti-Gravity robs the Gotham City Museum of Modern Art after pinning the security guards to the ceiling, helpless.

"Darling, if I can wear my bosom as an extension of my neckline, officers of the law should be free to walk upside down ... period ... end."

"So the chief says we have to stay like this until Al Sharpton leaves town."

"Glory B. Too much to take. What was that number to the Betty Ford Clinic?"

Protect a little old lady? We can do that standing on our heads!

* Well, they just have a different view of the world... that's all.

* Ya ever feel like you were stuck in a Monty Python sketch?

* Jack, you said we could look up their dresses from here. This one's all that's gone by us.

* Uh-Oh... It's the Yoga Police....

* No, ma'am... we're not drinking on duty. You ever try drinking while standing on your (hic) head?

* Well, look at the money we're saving on Hairpeices....

* The really odd part about it, Sam, is that they're both snoring....

With military and police training slow going in Iraq Coalition officials turned to the TV smash it SuperNanny.

"Maybe next time I tell you boys to stop whatever you're doing, you'll listen."

"I may not know much about art, but I know what I like. And I don't like this."

[re-edit of my first submission]

In a forgotten episode of “Batman”—starring Adam West and Burt Ward—arch-villainess Granny Gravity robs the Gotham City Museum of Modern Art after pinning the security guards to the ceiling, helpless.

"Liked the line, shape, form, value, space, color and texture. And rather liked the bulge."

Elderly ABUSE!

"When will these officers let me down from the ceiling?"

"Back in my day, no respectable police department would have thought of hiring a bunch of inverts."

dat RODNEY KING be one bad ass artiste.

The introduction of the TV show COPS on the Sundance Channel was met with mixed reviews.

"An added touch might be to wrap and tie their jackets around them ... just to affect the effect."

Man, these Turner Prize finalists keep getting worse and worse.

Steven Bochco really should have stopped at "Cop Rock"

*..... And in that horrifying moment, Sylvia knew in her soul, the alien invasion had begun.

*--Lessee... Stockings falling down over Air Jordans... Yeah, that's her. Cuff her, Bruce.

* -- Tragicly, Wilma never did see the warning label on the police officers, saying "This end UP"

* Feet smell, noses running... yep.

* Tori Amos appears to have aged, somewhat.

* The world of Law Enforcement has been turned umop apisdn

Pfizer announced today that its new rheumatoid arthritis drug could have unpleasant side-effects.

Topsy Turvy , Anyone ?!

Yeah this shift sucks, but at least we don't work at Newsweek.

She had that effect on men.

"Ooh, ooh, I know! Man! For he crawls on all fours as a child, walks upright as an adult, and then uses a cane in old age," Putin answered, oddly enough, on Mother's Day.

"Ooh, ooh, I know! Man! For he crawls on all fours as a child, walks upright as an adult, and then uses a cane in old age," Putin answered, oddly enough, on Mother's Day.

I broke it off, but since I'm not the leader of a democracy, I don't have to answer to you!

I broke it off, but Bush is breaking the backs of the proletariat!

"I hereby claim dis territory for de new and improved United Soviet Socialist...eh? Not yet? Hokay...but my patience, it grows thin."

* But you know how it is when you get sand up your nose... why, you could sneeze it right off.

* (Nod to Emo:) Yeah, it reminds me of my grilfreind... she's large, mysterious, eternal... her nose was shot off by French Soldiers....

"How does it smell, you ask? It sphinx! Har! I kill me!"

OK, Sphinx, Now I'm gonna teach you somthing Chirac taught me. It's called "Surrender-cizing." You just put your hands up over and over again.

"Breaking off the Sphinx's nose was one of the greatest political tragedies of the 20th century."

One of these two is a relic of a failed system, the other is missing a nose.

How do you stop a Sphinx from smelling?

Vlad couldn't qualify at home, so he searched out abroad before finally landing an appearance on Egyptian Idol.

"Gentlemen, centuries of iniquity look down upon you ... no, no, from behind me! Pyotr, have that man's name taken down!"

A Sphinx walks in to a bar and the Bartender says, "Why the short face?"

All Hail King PUT!!

The Inventor Of Viagara just bought the Sphinx and Brooklyn Bridge , too !

The Inventor of Viagara just bought the Sphinx and Brooklyn Bridge , too !

The Inventor Of Viagara just bought the Sphinx and Brooklyn Bridge , too !

"I broke it off, but the owner lied when he said this was a rock climbing treadwall. It didn't move one iota."

Got a CONDO,

made of STONE Ahhh ...

King PUTT.

And it's a long fly batted deep into . . . oh, NO!!!

And in about 5 years when the syphillis kicks in........

If you know it stinks --- tell it to the sphinx.

Hello, I'm Vladimir Putin. Welcome to Las Vegas!! Uh, BTW, where are all the other casinos. Hello? Where did everybody go?

"I broke it off, but ... as you can see I have raised my right hand and I will give the Scout's Honor or recite the Pledge of Allegiance (sans the 'under God' part) or slap myself in the face ... whatever ... just don't make me go back to Crawford, Texas again."